No more internet at my house

Well, we no longer have Internet at our house. Big disappointment, but also a nice relief. I have mixed feelings about not having the Internet but it is nice to not have that distraction at our house. I guess it will just take me longer in between blogging updates and catching up with you girls. Ah, I will have to learn to be more patient. I will try to walk to the library near my house to use the Internet.

Here is a little update of what has been going on. We had a WONDERFUL anniversary dinner at B.ookbinders Restaurant in R.ichmond. Oh my goodness, we splurged and ordered whatever we wanted, YUMMY! Also, Dh got me a beautiful pearl ring. I was so happy I started crying. Anyways, we took pictures but I am staying at my parents house now and can't upload them yet...so pictures later, o.k. It really was a better anniversary than I was hoping for. We spent the evening talking about our favorite times over the past five years and what were hoping for in the next five. I said maybe we'll have two children five years from now. So two kids in 10 years wouldn't be bad. Haha! So different than I ever imagined that's for sure.

I am desperate to get my Clomid refilled. DESPERATE! I am trying to take it on the correct day this cycle and that would be tomorrow since today is CD 2. C.VS said I was out of refills and PPVI didn't call them yet to give them the go ahead. I am really hoping they do before we leave tomorrow to NY. Oh, there's a story for you all...

Today we got all packed and loaded up the car, ice chest, and dog to drive to Syracuse, NY. Well, we made it a half hour out of Richmond and the a/c went out . I told Dh I was going to have a panic attack if it doesn't turn back on. I was seriously dramatic. It did turn back on but then we heard a really strange noise and smelt burnt rubber. So, we ended up turning around and going back to R.ichmond. Now our car is at the shop and won't be fixed until tomorrow. I really don't recommend Saab's because they are so expensive to get fixed this little a/c thing is going to cost an arm and leg. Ugh! We are going to be leaving tomorrow afternoon. We have had a nice time at my parents house though. We have been swimming and just relaxing.

I really don't have much else going on right now. I am glad that I didn't get a BFP this month because I was on so many drugs...now I am ready for this cycle to ttc again. Gosh, I am really praying this will be it.

Were going to be in NY until next Monday so I will really try to stay updated with you girls as much as possible :)

Many prayers,
Amber

5 Year Anniversary Today!

I copied this questionnaire from LA. I hope you don't mind, but I really liked the questions :)

1. Where/how did you meet: We met my junior year at Christendom College. L.ouis came for a visit. 2. How long have you known each other: Since March 2002. 3. How long after you met did you start dating: L.ouis says we met while he was in the seminary, but I don't even remember seeing him there so I say we only met briefly the first time at my college then he transferred to the same college so we started dating three weeks after he started school with me. How long did you date before you were engaged: 9 months 5. How long was your engagement: 11 months 6. How long have you been married: 5 years 7. What is your anniversary: June 26 8. How many people came to your wedding reception: about 300 people? 9. What kind of cake did you serve: I remember it being a butter cram frosting with almond and liqueur center. 10. Where was your wedding: St. Benedict Catholic Church, Richmond, VA 11. What did you serve for your meal: Some sort of chicken with a pesto pasta and a really good salad. It really is a blur. I remember not being able to eat all my dinner because my strapless bra/corset was VERY tight. 12. How many people were there in your bridal party: 5 13. Are you still friends with them all: yes 14. Did you or your spouse cry during the ceremony: No 15. Most special moment of your wedding day: It really is all just a blur... I guess when my dad and I were standing outside the Church a few moments alone before the wedding. That meant a lot to me. Also, my twin sister giving me our secret signal during the Mass so I would turn around and look at her. She just about made me cry. 16. Any funny moments: After the reception my grandma and grandpa followed behind our car honking their horn all the way to the highway.17. Any big disasters: The dishwasher broke during the reception so the dinner took forever in between courses so that dishes could be re-washed and used again. Also, when I went in for my dress fitting the sleeves of my dress busted a whole when I lifted my arm and they had to make whole new sleeves. UGH! .18. Where did you go on your honeymoon: We went to the Ashville, NC to the Biltmore Inn for a week. 20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change: I would hire a wedding coordinator so that my mom and I would not have argued so much and the wedding day would have been much less stressful. Also, I would have waited for my sister to be with me before I picked out my dress. I really regret no having her there. 21. What side of the bed do you sleep on: usually the side farthest from the door. 22. What size is your bed: King 23. Greatest strength as a couple: The Catholic Faith. 24. Greatest challenge as a couple: dealing with IF for five years. 25. Who literally pays the bills: We are always switching that back and forth. 26. What is your song: Return to me by Dean Martin 27. What did you dance your first dance to: Return to me by Dean Martin 28. Describe your wedding dress: It was a Romona Keveza wedding gown. Two pieces, off the shoulders with long sleeves. Very simple with no lace or beads. I also had a cathedral length wedding veil and a shorter one made for the reception 29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding: I have know idea...I am horrible with flower names but I remember absolutely loving my bouquet ( I am pretty sure they were all white and cream flowers) . 30. Are your wedding bands engraved? No. Because I am a very indecisive person who couldn't make up my mind what to engrave on them.

This was a fun quiz. I wish I had more pictures to share but I still don't have a wedding album :(

Some Sanity

Finally I feel like I am starting to be back to my old self. PMS Amber has almost vanished. Good thing to because I am sure Dh was ready to strangle her. haha! I am so un-affectionate when I have PMS that it is frightening. I almost wonder if I am possessed during that time of the month. I don't even care that my period is just a couple days away. BRING IT ON! I am ready to be hormonally stable!!! I hated life just a few days ago and now I am really looking forward to my anniversary. God sure has His timing. It is so Providential that I am starting my cycle during this time of the month because now I will be a happy person the day of our anniversary instead of suicidal. (Not seriously).

Well, on a small side note. I finally lost 10 freak'n pounds. FINALLY. Can you believe it took me 10 weeks to do that. Time felt like it was in slow motion!

Oh gosh! I am just so happy right now on CD 26 I am sure to start a new cycle any second. Happy Thursday!

Out of Shape

Wow just a 2 week break from exercising and I feel like I am starting all over again!!! My legs are shaky and my face is red as a tomato. Ugh! My goal is to get in to better shape before seeing my in -laws during fourth of July weekend. I know I have probably mentioned it before but I am always so concerned with what they think about me. The fact that Dh has about 54 nieces and nephews (I think that many, I can't keep up with them) really makes me feel horrible when we visit his family. We are the only ones with out children and it is so hard for me to handle it around them. Especially when they do group pictures of the grandchildren. I feel like hiding out in the car.

Anyways, back to exercising. I tried on my winter jeans I grew out of and they fit me again. Whoo-hoo! After I miscarried I ate tons of comfort food thus growing out of my clothes. Ultimately my goal is to be a size 6 by the time I am the big 30 in October. If I talk about exercising a lot it is because my family puts a HUGE emphasis on it. Seriously I grew up with very active exercising parents. So there's pressure to be in shape.

Well, I have to run and cook a very late dinner...I love leftovers :)

****Remember if this post sounds negative it's because I have PMS!

A forced ttc break

So I took a bit of a break from blogging since ttc went down the tubes this cycle. I really haven't been doing anything since being sick. I ended up with an infection that took FOREVER to go away. I didn't get to record my mucus this cycle because honestly (TMI) I was lucky to make it to the bathroom and back to bed asap. I recall seeing great mucus but I didn't take the time to record the C.reighton way at all. I have to confess I just guessed when to take the HCG injections. I started on CD17 and just did every other day. Does it make a difference if you miss a day and then do it back to back is that o.k.?
For example: CD 17, 19, 22,23. Is this o.k. ? I went ahead and did the shots just to help out next cycle. But I really don't know when Peak day was. I just figured "OH WELL, WHO CARES!" Since I missed ttc .

So, my T3 med.s have been reduced to 7.5 2x day instead of 22.5 with Synthroid. I started to have a racing heartbeat and insomnia with both the med.s but the nurses said it might have been because T3 is time release and I was only taking it once a day with Synthroid. I was so frustrated with everything that I went off all Thyroid med.s completely for a few days before starting the Slow release T3 again. Now I feel so much better. I am waiting for my new cycle before taking everything again.

I don't think I am going to do a cycle review this cycle. Nothing went right this cycle, I didn't even do the Peak + 7 blood draw, so I think it would be best if I just stuck to Clomid, HCG injections, and the other vitamins rather than having another cycle wasted trying to get the cortisol treatments going. What would you do? The only good thing that came of all this is that I have been off coffee for 2 1/2 weeks. WOO-HOO. No more coffee for me :)

I know July is going to be very stressful for us since June is ending that way. We really didn't count on the fact that I would be out of work for a total of three 1/2 weeks these months which really hit us hard. So I am SOOOOOOO disappointed because our 5th anniversary is this Friday the 26th. Why do bad things have to happen when I am already sad about our anniversary. I know I should be more positive but I am just SAD about IF and no children and F***ing financial
stress. I hate to be so blunt about it all but seriously it is so hard right now to see my girlfriends celebrating there anniversaries with 3 or more children. Deep down inside I know that this cross is a blessing but I just can't help being so BITTER! I think I probably have PMS right now to boot so that is probably why I hate IF so much! I should be getting AF the day of my anniversary so that is going to be emotional for me. Why does my period have to arrive on every special occasion? Why God?

Thank you girls for all your prayers! You really are so sweet!

Out of the Loop

I will try to post more later but this cycle is a no go now :( I am finally some what on my feet today after a HORRIBLE flu/ intestinal infection UGH! I have been in bed for 8 days and feeling miserable so we missed ttc this cycle. I am really disappointed...I can't wait to catch up with you girls though. I MISSED YOU :)

Infertlity Support Group

The Infertility Support Group this morning was amazing! (of course I didn’t think to bring my camera) I could not have been more impressed with Dr. B. and his casual conversation with the women of the group. He seemed so understanding to what we are all going through. Not only that but he didn’t seem to be in any hurry to finish up the meeting. He took his time discussing all of our situations, IF, miscarriage, male infertility, adoption, etc. You can tell that he really was hopeful for us girls. He even brought a few relics for us to venerate. Wasn’t that thoughtful? This was my first time going to this meeting and all the girls were so nice!!! I really believe it was providential for Dr. B to be there today. Thank you Dr. B. These are the things he recommended for me during the meeting (I can’t remember everything but this is what stuck in my head)

1. That I take a combination of Synthroid and Slow release T3 as long as my TSH levels are under 2 (wait or was it over 2) anyone remember this?
2. That I should follow a macrobiotic diet because I have endometriosis.
3. Also, it is o.k. to have my morning cup of coffee WOO-HOO!
4. Since I am going to be going on the hydrocort next cycle I was concerned if I can still take Clomid with hydrocort. Dr. B says absolutely (Dr. H.ilgers told me NO WAY) Who would you listen to?
5. He also recommended I take pathogenic acid, valerian tea, Vit. C, and some other things I can’t remember.

I was really exhausted after the meeting because I feel like discussing such an emotional topic of IF is draining. So I came home and napped. Now I have just been busy figuring out what a macrobiotic diet is…sounds very similar to the endo diet but it seems like there are a lot more recipe books out there for it. I swear I could start a library with all the diet books I have collected.

Well, I also wanted to say that Dh and I got our blood results back with the chromosome test and we are not pre-disposed to miscarriage. So, we are a good match chromosomally. That is good news!

Cycle Review

I had my cycle review yesterday. I was kind of emotional about it because I ended up confessing that I went to a thyroid specialist and quit taking the T3. Lets just say that didn't go over well. (I felt like I betrayed Dr. H.ilgers) The nurse said it was fine that I did that but if I am ever concerned about my levels to have Dr. H.ilgers test them because he actually tests the reverse T3 levels. I told her that the specialist said my T3 was to high so she put me on Synthroid. The nurse clarified that unless the specialist tested my reverse T3 levels then they are going to seem to high. But the reason I was on T3 was because my inactive T3 levels were not in the right range. Anyways, to sum this up I should of stayed on the slow release T3 and not have switched things around without talking to Dr. H.ilgers. BIG OOPS! So now I am slowly going back on T3 and cancelling my next appointment with the thyroid specialist. This might sound kind of flaky but Dr. H.ilgers got me pregnant once so I figure I should just listen to him about this.

I told the nurse that I am DESPERATE to get pregnant and I want Dr. H.ilgers to give me a more aggressive treatment like a trigger shot or something. So after talking about everything this cycle this is what Dr. H.ilgers concluded. No trigger shots for me, continue all medications, have my cortisol levels re-tested, order an ultra sound series (I mentioned to them that I haven't had this done yet) and continue with Clomid for a few more months unless I would like to try the cortisol treatment. I guess you can't do both clomid and cortisol at the same time. Also, I asked the nurse about Dh's previous SA done in March of 2008. Come to find out she said the test is inaccurate because there was a total of 1 1/2 hours between collection and testing. WTF! All year I have been stressing about the results of that test only to just now have them tell me it was an invalid test and to have it redone this time testing it 30 min.s after collection. O.k. this will probably make a big difference!!! What about all the money spent on PROXEED?

Supposedly they only use trigger shots for women who have a lutelizing (sp?) follicle hormone defect (something like that) I asked the nurse how do you know if you have this? She said normally women with PCOS do. So I said how do you know if you have that? And she said from the ultra sound series. Well, this is why I am having the ultra sound series done now. I might try switching to the cortisol treatment next cycle.

Right now I am on CD 5. I forgot that two days of spotting counts for this cycle so now I am two days late taking Clomid. It probably doesn't make that big of a difference, right?

So the nurse just suggested doing the cortisol treatment if I wanted something more aggressive. She said that 6 women have already gotten pregnant taking this and not everyone who is taking it is trying to get pregnant. My question 6 women out of how many infertile women? Hum.

Oh yeah, another thing about my cycle review. I asked if the exercising I was doing was o.k. (just to play it safe and be upfront). Come to find out that Dr. H.ilgers told me to take it easier and basically be more balanced. That some women's bodies might not ovulate if they exercise a lot. That's all I needed to hear...not ovulate, WHAT? I am not taking all these drugs for nothing. I am definitely going to cut back a bit now. I seem to be an all or nothing person though. Either extreme about something or to laid back. Guess I should work on being more balanced ;)

Just a quicky

I am in bed stuffed with yummy pizza and wine with both the t.v. and internet going strong. My Dh is at a poker night with the men in my family and I am babying myself. Why? Because I am dying of cramps on CD 2 wishing I had a baby crying for me. I am aching to hold my little baby in my arms right now. I would have been about seven months along right now with a nice big belly. Wishing things wouldn't have gone wrong. I feel like I am wondering in circles looking for answers online for infertility. Oh, I am so glad I have you girls to blog to!!! Thanks for listening.