CD 32

O.k. I am sick of this...the HCG is on its way out because I had just a very faint positive test this morning. This for me always mean I am NOT pregnant after taking HCG injections. My temperature this morning was 98.2 so it hasn't dropped yet which means AF will probably be here late tonight or tomorrow. This two week wait has been killing me honestly. If my cycle goes just a few days longer than usual I seriously check out mentally and it is all I can think about. I spent all day yesterday stuffing my face because I was so anxious about everything. Today is different though. It is always a rude awakening after POAS that this is NOT my month. Oh well, on to next month. I just wish I could stay in bed, watch T.V. and mope on days like this!

I had ordered the free DVD about this last week and it finally came in the mail. Has anyone else seen this? I saw it on another blogger's page. All I want out of the package is the cap for the cervix...I know that might sound weird but it makes sense to me after watching the DVD.

So, Dh has been gone now for about 2 1/2 weeks. I am SO READY FOR HIM TO COME HOME! Blah, blah, blah today is just a poopy day :(

Question?

If you take HCG injections to late in your cycle then how long does it take for your cycle to start after taking the injections? I have had bad cramps off and on so I am just eagerly hoping for a new cycle to start. Today is CD 30. Any ideas?

Rambling

Well yesterday I picked up our new dog, Deisel (Dh says we're going to change his name though). He is beautiful!!! His owner was crying when she gave him away to me and I really didn't know what to do or say but give her a hug. Anyways, so far this new dog is possessive of me, his toys, my bed, my other dogs toys, etc. What should I do? Is that normal? I really can't control him very well to go on walks because he isn't used to the "city noises". He came from the country. So, this is going to be an adjustment period. I am going to be out of town the next three weekends so now I am in a bind the make this all work out... Maybe I'll be inspired with what to do with the dogs while I am gone. Once I am done with my current job this will all be a lot easier.

O.k. today is CD 28 and maybe it is P + 12 or P+ 9 I really am not certain this cycle. I have been taking 60,000 IU of Vit. A from Cod Liver Oil and just ordered two more bottles from R.adient Life website. So, that is going well. I still haven't noticed a difference on the hydrocort but maybe over the weekend it will kick in. Also, I got my slow release T3 increased to 15 mg. 2x a day. Yeh, things are going well. I just have to be patient now!!!

I found some beautiful bedspreads I am dreaming about for my master bedroom (painted light blue) and guest bedroom (painted light green). I would never be able to by them so I just thought I would talk about them instead. Well, actually as I was linking the pictures to this post I changed my mind...fickle I know :)

Hope you al have a great weekend. I am at the library right now and my time is about to run out.

Oh before I forget there is this exercise company that is Finally saleing DVD's. Kelly Ripa really likes this place. Anyways, it is called Physique 57. I am hoping Dh lets me by them ASAP!!!

Finally some good luck!

I finally have some good luck...After my last post and hearing about AYWH new med.s I became a pest at P.PVI. I called them on Monday asking to start the Hydrocort. I didn't hear back that day so the next morning I called as soon as they opened and said I was calling to get my Hydrocort prescription filled. (I was hoping this would do the trick since I know I was suppose to still have another cortisol level blood draw) Anyways, a nurse called be back on Tuesday evening and said Dr. H.ilgers said yes I can begin that treatment. Woo-hoo. So now I am taking 5 mg. of Hydrocort 4x's a day and he also recommended taking fish oil with it to help prevent inflammation. I talked to the pharmacists about the hydrocort when I went to pick it up and I asked her why do people typically use this drug. She said it is usually for people with Anti-immune disorders because Hydrocort depresses (maybe she said suppresses, I can't remember) the immune system. This really would make sense with Endo. then and thyroid problems. So, today is my first day on the hydrocort. Wish me luck ;)

After I left C.VS I went to my house to go jogging (I am staying at my parent's house lately). Anyways, I couldn't find my cell phone but I thought I would just look for it after I went running. I came back and tore my house and car to pieces looking for the darn phone. Then I drove to C.VS because I remember talking on it last at the store. They didn't have it and when the pharmacists tried calling it it was shut off. WEIRD! So, I went home again and tore things apart looking for it. Then I drove to 7 El.even and used the pay phone to tell my family why I was running behind. While I was on the phone to them a man called my sister's cell phone saying he found a cell phone that was pink and listed off some previous phones calls on it. My sister said it was my phone so she told me to drive back to C.VS where the man said he would give it to the cashier there. So, I went back to C.VS and waited forever (making friends with the cashier and security guard, haha). As soon as the man came in I said that's my phone and he gave it to me and left fast! Isn't that weird that he found my phone at C.VS but decided to take it home and play detective? UGH! I totally think he should of just given the phone to the pharmacists where I left it so I could have found it 2 hours earlier!!! That was a long story!

So, I have some GOOD news about the dog I had put our name in for. At first the owners had given him away to their uncle with a handicapped child to see if would work and it didn't. I am sorry for them but happy for us!!! I am now picking up a beautiful, one year old, golden retriever who is already house broken and loves to run. So, now I will have a new running partner and a friend for Oddie, our pug. Dh is just glad that I'll have a better watch dog while he is gone. YEH, a new dog. Supposedly he likes to sleep on his owners bed. I am so excited and nervous because two dogs will be a lot of work but so much fun :)

Today is CD 26 and Peak +7. I SCREWED up and already took my HCG injection this morning. That was very stupid of me! Now I'll have to do my blood draw tomorrow afternoon. Can I wait any longer? Ugh!!! I am certain I am not going to get an accurate result this time. Next time though, next time! I am determined to get this right!!! By the way, my chicken sandwich tasted like a fish today so I through it in the trash. This is always a sign of a new cycle starting. Everything starts to taste like fish before my cycle starts. Why? Hormones changing?

Where Have I Gone Wrong?

Last night I stayed up late thinking about what am I doing wrong with ttc. I was scanning the Internet as if one big fat answer is going to jump out and say, "Hey, you didn't try this yet and it is the answer for you!" What am I thinking? On the way to the beach the other day AYWH asked me if I have mimicked the cycle I got pregnant on? No, I haven't. Why? Maybe because I just kind of feel a little burnt out. But right now I am feeling DESPERATE to do my best. When I think back on what I was doing to ttc that cycle this is all I can remember.

1. We BD everyday around ovulation.
2. I was taking my BBT every morning exactly at 6:00a.m. to help me determine ovulation along with doing the C.reighton M.eathod
3. C.reighton M.eathod to the "T".
4. I was taking 6 a day of these vitamins (They don't have Vit. A in them because they recommend to get Vit. A from Cod Liver Oil.
5. I was taking large quantities of liquid Cod Liver Oil trying to get up 60,000 IU of Vit. A per day based on this article. (If you don't want to read the whole article I copied an important part below) Also, this Cod Liver Oil has the highest vitamins in such a small dose.
6. I was on vacation when I conceived and got a lot of sleep.
7. I wasn't drinking any alcohol or coffee.
8. I was finally up to 22.5 mg of Slow release T3 and 50mg. of Naltrexone.

I am really going to make a huge effort this week to get back onto all of the drugs/vitamins and everything else I did previously. I have to because I am going CRAZY with things not working or just doing a half ass job. Seriously, what is my problem. Does anyone else get burnt out with remembering to take or do all things perscribed?

I called P.PVI today and left a message with one of the nurses asking if I could start the Hydrocort treatment. Please God I hope I can soon! I know I am suppose to go in for another blood draw but honestly it was luck the first time that the lady there let me take my blood with me to mail to P.PVI. What are the chances that I would be able to do that again? (NOT LIKELY)
Also, I asked the lab at P.PVI to mail me some more blood kits. Hopefully those will come soon!

Today is CD 24 and I am going to take my second HCG injection. I was looking at my chart on FF and I really think I started taking these shots late this cycle based on Peak day. Maybe I got Peak day wrong this cycle and just had an excess of mucus? I just can't wait to move onto a new cycle. I just have this gut instinct that I screwed up by not paying close enough attention to mucus this cycle!

Endometriosis and Menorrhagia
Endometriosis occurs when the endometrium does not slough off normally at menstruation. It is usually accompanied by menorrhagia (heavy bleeding), severe menstrual cramps, and pain with defecation, intercourse and even ovulation. In severe cases the endometrium or lining of the uterus migrates to other sites such as the intestines and the bladder. The islands of the endometrium cause pain when they go through the cycle of menses and bleed as if they were normal uterine tissue. Cysts and fibroid tumors are common side effects.
It is thought that endometriosis and related disorders are associated with a disruption in the estrogen-progesterone cycle, resulting in high levels of estrogen and low levels of progesterone. In monkeys, exposure to dioxin, which is an estrogen-like compound, resulted in moderate to severe endometriosis.23 In horses, endometrial fibrosis has been treated successfully with dimethyl sulfoxide (DMSO), which is approved for use in animals but not in humans.24
Orthodox treatment includes estrogen-blocking drugs, such as Danocrine, and laser treatment of the endometrium. Unfortunately Danocrine can provoke many side effects, including weight gain, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, acne, increased facial hair, pelvic and back pain, breast problems, cramps, hot flashes, depression, rashes and allergies. When laser treatment is not successful, the only remaining surgical option is hysterectomy. In fact, the leading cause of hysterectomy is excessive bleeding, often associated with endometriosis.
Most popular books on endometriosis warn patients not to eat animal foods such as butter, liver and eggs because these contain arachidonic acid, a long-chain fatty acid which serves as the substrate for localized tissue hormones-called prostaglandins-that provoke inflammation. Actually endometriosis is not really an inflammation of the type that occurs after an injury; and arachidonic acid also serves as the substrate for prostaglandins that counteract inflammation.25 The irony-actually the tragedy-of this advice is that animal foods like butter, liver and eggs are excellent sources of vitamin A. And endometriosis and excessive bleeding respond very well to vitamin A therapy. In South Africa, vitamin A has been used as standard practice for the treatment of menorrhagia (excessive bleeding) since 1977 with a 92 percent cure rate!26
Virtually every popular book dealing with women's health contains fundamental misinformation on vitamin A, asserting that vitamin A from animal foods is toxic and recommending carotenes from plant sources instead. Typical of the confusion about vitamin A is this statement from a book on endometriosis: "Vitamin A taken too enthusiastically can be toxic, since it is stored in the liver. Beta-carotene, however, is not converted into vitamin A unless the body requires it, and you cannot suffer from toxic levels of it."27 Actually natural vitamin A from cod liver oil and other animal sources is not toxic except in very large amounts. The liver is exquisitely designed to store vitamin A so that this vital nutrient is available in times of scarcity. Many conditions prevent the conversion of beta-carotenes into true vitamin A, including low thyroid function; and even individuals who convert beta-carotene easily cannot obtain optimum amounts from plant foods.28 Finally, both synthetic vitamin A and synthetic beta-carotenes can be toxic.29 Yet books on women's health usually recommend supplements containing the synthetic forms.
Calcium, phosphorus, magnesium, zinc, potassium, iron and good quality protein are all recommended for endometriosis and related conditions. Yet the body cannot absorb these minerals and protein without adequate amounts of natural, animal sources of vitamin A and D in the diet. Iron deficiency is a critical problem for women suffering from heavy bleeding but iron cannot be absorbed without adequate vitamin A.30 Many women have reported that bleeding worsened when iron was given without supplementation with vitamin A.

Bunch of stuff...

So, I have some news...we put our name in for a dog that someone is giving away. I haven't heard yet if we get to have the dog but I am so anxious to find out. I really LOVE dogs! This one is a golden retreiver that is one year old. Sounds like it would make a great playmate for Oddie, our pug. God willing the owners will choose us :) We should find out soon.

Also, our camera was found in NY. YEAH! Now once I get it back I have tons of pictures to post. I can't wait!

Today is P+1 and CD 20. Doesn't that seem like a late ovulation? I wonder why it is so late? Maybe stress or something or all the traveling could have thrown it off.

I copied this idea from GIMH post and thought it looked like fun. Please feel free to copy as well. I love hearng new things about people. So I will try to think of ten honest (maybe not so interesting) things...


1. I have auditioned in NYC with my twin sister for the D.oublment G.um commercial and P.izza H.ut commercial. We slept on the trains and in Penn. Station because we didn't have a place to stay. It was such a great experience having to sing the jingles and ride a bike down the hallways.

2. I have had 6 years of singing lessons mostly opera and classical training. I have made two C.D's with my sister of course and am mortified whenever someone finds out about this. I haven't sang in a couple years and so I am petrified to sing in front of people now.

3. I spent a long time in my late high school years and early college seriously considered being a nun. I used to drag my sister to several traditional convents to visit and spend time with the nuns. Dh was in the seminary before he met me so when we met we talked on and on about religion and the Catholic Church and I was soon in LOVE with him.

4. In college 4 girls and myself used to have a group that played medieval maidens. We all had fake names and would go out late at night to have our meetings in an abandoned falling down brick home. We would light candles and talk about what we wanted our knights to be like some day and future homes and romances. It was very girly. We would drink tons of wine and eat bread and cheese. It really was such a great experience to share with those girlfriends.

5. I have made a beautiful silk baptismal bonnet for a family friend that I will probably never see again. I took 4 years of sewing lessons from a retired college professor and have also taught lessons myself. This doesn't mean I am good at it though. I am just good at acting like I know what I am talking about. I had to make several trips to Jo.Annes asking for help. haha!

6. My sister and I used to ride in the rodeo parades with my Grandparent's since my Grandpa was sheriff. I am so proud of my Grandpa. I still don't know who is who in any of my childhood pictures. That is kind of frustrating. My mom knows...or maybe she is just pretending.

7. I LOVE to swim and still enjoy racing my siblings and playing pool games. When I was little my sister and I used to tie our ankles together and pretend we were mermaids. We would have tea parties at the bottom of the pool. This used to scare my mom so the game wouldn't last to long.

8. I have taken cooking classes and have an obsession with cook books and new recipes. I wasn't ever really allowed to help my mom cook so when I got married it was my first experience being able to prepare meals. I spent tons of money on learning new recipes when Dh and I first married. Yum! But not anymore...

9. My sister and I used to ride horses for a short while bare back. We would put on really wide long skirts and ride around our back yard. Then my sister fell off and hurt her legs temporarily so we had to stop riding them until we got saddles.

10. My sister and I used to share a bed after college because my parents didn't have any twin size beds in their house. We would stay up late chatting all the time. The night before I got married my sister, mom, and I laid in bed for hours talking until the sun rose. Needless to say I was SO TIRED the day for my wedding.

Sorry most of answers have to do with my sister too because we were always doing things together. Well, that was kind of harder than I thought to think of ten things. Hope it was interesting:) Haha! I love sharing stories.

Dealing with life

I got back from NY Monday morning around 3:00am. I didn't wake up that day until 2:30 p.m. Crazy! That really through me off but I just can't handle lack of sleep very well!!! Anyways, I have been getting horrible headaches lately and I think it might from my huge consumption of caffeine while in NY and then cutting back after the trip. I know I should just give it up all together but waking up in the morning is literally a painful experience. I am just to tired. Dh's parent's weren't to surprised about the anniversary party because there was just one to many slip ups with the secret that they figured it out when someone finally called them directly asking for directions and the time of the party. OOPS! Oh well, everyone still had a great time. Dh is still in NY. He got a job up there and has a car to use so it worked out for him to earn some extra money for us up there instead of being home with me. Ugh! I am not going to complain about this though because I am grateful that he got some extra work this summer. I am not sure how long he'll be gone but I think that is going to throw off ttc. Last we BD was three days before my peak day. So I really don't think that cuts it. Is a 10 K considered peak if it doesn't have an L with it? If that's the case then this cycle is probably a waist too and I am taking all these drugs for nothing. I really miss Dh so much! My first night alone in our house I slept horrible. I felt like I had one eye opened all night because I was so scared but now I am getting used to it.

Well, I feel kind of like I have been bombarded with pregnancy news lately and I am not handling it to well. The first some of you might of heard of. She made a CD talking about coping with infertility. Well, I had asked my BIL about this woman and her husband since he knows them and he said you she is 4-5 months pregnant. WTH? Last I heard she hadn't been able to get pregnant for nine years and wasn't seeking any form of treatment. Turns out she went to see this very holy priest who prayed over her for 1/2 hour during her fertile time and what do you know...she pregnant! I am very happy for her but just shocked!!! The next girl I know just called me yesterday to say she doesn't know what to do that two babies may be waiting for her and Dh from the adoption agency and it's along story but their getting a baby. I won't go on with all these stories but I am just crushed that things are going so wonderfully for them. I am happy for them too but I just hate the boat I am in. I wish that when I heard the news it wouldn't hurt so much. It really feels like I get the wind knocked out of me when someone tells me the news. Am I the only one who handles this so poorly?

Don't get me wrong....I am praying for all of us IF girls and that we get our along waited BFP's. I just wish I were a stronger person.

Today is CD 18 and I had 10 K. I guess this is peak day, but I am not sure because I had that heavy ovulation cramping on Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning...

P.s. I changed my blog back drop and header. What do you all think? Should I keep it or change it back to the last one? I know I still have to add my Fertile Thoughts title. But I am open for suggestions. I feel like I am in a rotten mood today...

Finally home...and off again

Dh and I made it home finally from NY. Remember I mentioned we had car problems on our way there? Well, we had car problems on our way back too. UNBELIEVABLE! We had to stop three different times to pull over into a mechanics shop and see if we could make back to VA. Finally the last mechanic said we might as well drive as far as we can before the engine blows. WHAT? I was waking up from a nap in the car when I could hear the man telling Dh this...I couldn't believe he was telling him this. Dh and I got in the car and said some prayers hoping that our car would make it. We were actually joking about hitting a deer so insurance would help us out with a new car. With our luck Dh spotted a deer at 1:00am in the middle of no where and started driving towards it. I screamed and yelled NO WAY! And he swerved. Was he joking? I am not sure, haha! Anyways, our car made it home to R.ichmond but it died the next morning. Smoke and all....the car is really just a piece of crap right now sitting outside of our house. I am not sure what the mechanic here will say but hopefully it is still salvageable. I have been borrowing my Dad's car for the meantime but Dh, my sister, and I are all leaving to S.yracuse, NY this Thursday night. Dh's parent's our having a surprise 50th Wedding Anniversary party. My sister is coming with us so I have someone to ride home with on Sunday and Dh is staying up in NY for awhile. Well, I guess I don't need to bore you all with the details.

While we were in NY my poor dog, Oddie, got stuck under Dh's parent's house porch about 20 ft. back. I was so worried about the dog. I felt like it was my baby or something. Seriously, I was trying to hide my emotions from the rest of the family because they just don't understand how I feel about my dog. Well, Dh's 11 year old nephew crawled under the porch and unleashed the dog from his trapped leash and our dog was free. Yeh, I was so worried for him. First of all, my dog is not an outside dog. He stays at home on our couch sleeping most of the time but whenever we go to NY he has to stay outside tide up to a tree. It just breaks my heart because I seriously spoil the dog at my home...

Today is CD 12 and I had a 10CL that was slightly pink. What does that mean? Should I be worried? I am suppose to be taking my temps. and pulse for the next 48 hours to see if I should increase my thyroid dosage but I can't find my thermometer. I think I'll probably start this tomorrow then. Otherwise all cycle news is just a bore right now. Nothing new.

I did email an adoption agency asking for information and I called another one just to find out how long the wait is. I am still waiting to hear back from them. Maybe it is time for Dh and I to start this process as well. I just feel so discouraged because I really haven't heard any positive adoption news in awhile...is there any hope for us then?

******************************

P.s. before I forget:

The night before I left NY my SIL opened a can of worms by talking to me about blogging. Before I knew it I was rambling on and on about infertility and the girls I have met on here. It was so nice to talk to her about everything. One thing I noticed though is that when I get in situations where I am kind of nervous or worked up about something I start to shake. Like my hands start shaking just slightly but enough for me to notice that I need to get a grip and relax. If I take some deep breaths I can get it to stop but it just doesn't seem normal to me. Maybe this has to do with the adrenal fatigue? I am not sure. Just thought I would mention this :)

Vacation

I can't help on this vacation to wish that I had a little one to take of. I have been watching all of my SIL's holding there babies and taking care of there children and it just seems so natural to be taking care of a family with children.

We were sleeping next to my SIL's room and I could hear her 6 week old baby during the night making noises and it just broke my heart wishing I had what she has. Luckily I am not super depressed about everything right now but I just can't get my mind off of IF. Is it always going to be like this? I mean the constant thoughts of how to overcome IF....what's the answer to all of this?

After this long of IF no one talks to me about having children anymore. My MIL used to bring it up and even some of my SIL's but now I guess nobody knows what to say anymore so it is just kind of an ignored topic. Trust me I am an open book if anyone were to ask me about what's going on with IF thing. In fact sometimes I am dying to talk about things because it gets so painful and heavy to hold everything in. Do I need therapy? Haha!

Well, I guess I couldn't go all of my vacation without complaining about IF!

Today is actually a very cold 4th of July. Seriously, I am originally from CA and I have never experienced such a cold day for fireworks and celebration. Oh, last night we went out on Dh's best-friend's boat and watched some fireworks. It was so much fun!!! I did take pictures but I have to wait until I get home to post them. Ugh! I have tons of pictures I can't wait to show you girls.

Happy Fourth of July everyone. I am praying for you!

Relaxing in NY

This trip to S.yracuse, NY has been so relaxing. I am only on day 3 of the trip but it sure is flying by so quickly. So far we have been staying at my SIL house. She is really such a sweet hostess. I can't believe she is letting us stay here so long when she has 4 boys under the age of 5. WOW! I really don't know how she does it all ;) We have mostly just been visiting with my in-laws. I am really blessed that I enjoy there company so much.

I am on Cd 5 today and I am relieved I started C.lomid on day 3. Finally. I have missed doing that the last two cycles. I haven't been taking any pre-natals because I bought this brand where you have to take six a day and they are so DISGUSTING!!!! I can't emphasise that enough. But the problem is I don't want to spend money on a new bottle since I just spent a lot on big horse pills. Also, nada on the B6. Yes, I am just really slacking off. Lacking motivation...wondering when things will change or if they ever will change?

So this is just a quickie update.