Perspective

I have been thinking a lot about my last post and since I don't post often and then I decided to rant about Dh's and my Christmas plans in a negative light I don't want anyone to misconstrue that we are having marriage problems or that are marriage is in a bad state. The more I have prayed about this the more I can't help but think about Our Lady and her journey to the manger in Bethlehem to give birth to Christ. Here it is the Christmas Season and how appropriate for me to try to better understand the birth of Christ; Our Lady giving birth in an unfamiliar place, amongst strangers, away from home, etc. How can I complain? I am not sleeping in a manger, I have my family with me, I am blessed to have two beautiful babies, I have my husband by my side taking care of us. I really think in order for me to enjoy this Christmas I need to change my perspective! There was a time when I didn't have children when I would have done anything, suffered anything to have them. I really think I need to count my blessings! I am blessed this year to spend Christmas with my husband. There are many families who are not as fortunate. Also, I have my children. I get to be with, hold them in my arms and see their faces light up on Christmas morning. We will have many family members, and friends to rejoice with us in Christ's birth this season and that is truly a blessing! What I need to do is ask myself how can I make the most out of this Christmas for my family. What can I bring with us and plan for us to make this Christmas Eve and Christmas day extra special. So, if anyone has any suggestions on how to do this away from home please share. in the meantime I will be praying for God to please help me to be the wife and mother He is calling me to be this Christmas. It may not be what I have in mind but how can God mold me in to who He wants me to be if I am unwilling to respond "Fiat" like the Blessed Mother said. I need to be a trusting wife and mother to the head of my home!

Bad Day! (majorly negative post)

You ever have one of those days that just seem like it is one bad thing after another???? Today is that day for me! I just want to go back to bed and start over. But the issues that arose today are still going to be there tomorrow and I have to face them. One thing about having children is that I can't just mope and lie around like I used to if I were unhappy. I have to act like everything is o.k because they are watching me so closely even though I just want to sit on the couch and cry!!!!

I was looking forward until Christmas but I just want it to be over with!!!! I could just scream! This is my situation in a nut shell. We ended up going up to NY to see Dh's best friend and family and relatives for Thanksgiving because my family was out of town and Dh's best friend's mother has been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing treatments...long story. Anyways, Thanksgiving SUCKED! We were up there for 8 days. The kids and us were exhausted! Charlie got sick after a few days and both kids slept horribly which means we slept horribly as well. I was exhausted from bad nights of sleep and super lonely. Dh spent 6 out of 8 nights at best friend's mother's house while I went to bed with the kids. I just like to spend holidays especially close with Dh and now that we are going up to NY again for Christmas it's going to be me and the kids alone again a lot of the time. I know that there will be his family for him to pass me off to but do you ever feel like you can visit with everyone and still feel like your all by your self? i don't want to spend Christmas up there this year!!!!!!!! I want to wake up in my own house with the children's stalkings hanging, baking some nice things, having a Christmas Tree, and a baby Jesus in our manager, making traditions, and spending quality TIME TOGETHER! Now we will be staying in a empty house, just us, that is so unfamiliar to me and the kids. I am so angry that I don't have a say so in this. I have already cried about this tonight. I am so BUMMED OUT. That I am not looking forward to Christmas this year. Let's just get it over with and move on! I am not saying that I don't want to go to NY at all during Christmas but why not just a couple days after Christmas????WHY?WHY? WHY? I am off to bed because I can't even think straight about this. I am FUMING!

By the way, I don't have time to edit this post so it is seriously a ranting post. may not even make sense ;)

Just a little Update

I know this year I get the worst blogger ever award! It has been awhile since I last updated but I really feel I sometimes either have to much to say that I don't know where to start or I am just always about to type the same old thing...I am tired, overwhelmed with my house and responsibilities, love being a mom, time is going by fast, etc!

So I'll just update starting with today. I really had all these hopes of a perfect Advent. Some special tradition everyday with scripture readings, lighting our Advent Candles, lovely crafts. Things aren't going as planned. Maybe because I am not good with planning things. The thought of taking both the kids out the house to do more than one errand wipes me out! I really wish I had all my decorations up, Advent readings, crafts going on, and unlimited funds to do all of this but that just isn't it how things are this year...

I ordered this ebook today called Organized in 20 days. I am really hoping to get my life in order. Right now I am frustrated with how cluttered and unplanned things are. SERIOUSLY frustrated!!! I just want to empty everything out of my house and start fresh!

And of course I need to update on my cycle news :) Since this is a blog about fertility, right? Well, I don't have my cycle back yet. Charlie just turned 8 months and I am ready for another baby!!! He is so big and active!!! I really don't feel like he is a little baby any more. He is now 23 Ibs, has 6 teeth, crawling, standing up in his bed (co-sleeper), totally opposite than Lucy. I have started giving him some samples of food here and there, but he just gags and doesn't seem very interested. I would like to get my cycle back to ttc again. Charlie sleeps with me all night though and nurses A LOT during the night which is very differnt than Lucy was. I am wondering if I won't get my cycle back until I completely stop nursing Lucy as well. She is still nursing 3-4 times a day. I guess time will tell if all that nursing makes a differnce.

Have to run now, baby crying!!!