A little crazy aroud here!

Here are just a couple pictures from when my family was in CA for my Grandpa funeral. These were taken at the reception. The first one from left to right is my sister Candice, my brother Jacob, my lovely Grandma , my other brother Joseph, me, and Dh Louis.

The second picture from left to right is me holding my nephew Sam, my cousin Matthew is in the back, then my sister Candice and my sweet husband!

So, things have been just CRAZY here at my house. When I got back from CA last week I only had a few days to prepare everything for my new job. I was just swamped! I woke up this morning, the first day of school (well for the after school program) and I was a mess. I came down stairs to get a cup of coffee and lost it mentally!!! I started bawling to Dh about how tired I was and that I was just so scared to have to talk in front of the kids and I still had so much to do. So, Dh sent me back to bed, gave me some Rescue Remedy and told me to get more rest before starting the day. I couldn't sleep though I just laid there wishing I didn't have to go to school today. The thing is that I am really good at organizing and planning but when it comes to being out going in front of people I feel like I have to act like another person. I guess it really just takes the life out of me. Dh was so SWEET today and showed up to help me out through the whole program today. Everything ended up going very well and the kids really enjoyed making their friendship quilt today. Yeh, tomorrow they are going to sew it and hang it on the wall. So enough of my complaining....

Today is CD 11 and I haven't been taking everything the last two days but I am going to tomorrow. My brain was just to tired to think of everything. I am so hoping that me being stressed out with a new job won't affect my cycle. PLEASE GOD! I hope by body works this cycle :) The good news this cyce is that I was able to take Clomid back to the list of things to take so here is my now updated litany of drugs and supplements:

1.Pre-natals
2.B6
3.Cod Liver Oil
4.Hydrocort
5.Hcg injections
6.Fertile CM
7.Mucinex
8.Estrace
9.Bioxin
10.Probiotics
11.Baby Asprin
12.Slow release T3
13.Naltrexone
14.Clomid

Whether my hormones were low last month based on screwed up shots or just because I wasn’t taking clomid that cycle it doesn’t matter because I just feel more hopeful when I am taking ovulation stimulation drugs ;)
***Continued post next day
So I ended up going to bed last night after writing part of this post at 10:30 p.m. and didn’t wake up until 9:00 a.m. I am still so tired…Dh says it’s because I have stopped exercising that I am so tired so he made me promise I would go running today. Ugh! So I’ve got to go now. Off for a run…wish me luck!
Gosh, I really miss you girls!!! Praying for you all…
P.s. Please keep my friend K and her hubs, in your prayers. She is not a blogger but is really praying and wanting peace with the adoption process she is in right now and for God will to be done. ..thank you!

EXHAUSTED!

I am so FREAKING tired that I just don't have the energy or time to post much...

School just started today and I'll just say I am OVERWHELMED and EXHAUSTED!
I am going to bed EARLY!

Praying for you all!

P.s. If Grace In My Heart reads this I just want you to know that I was dying to visit with you today but had WAY to much going on...sorry if I seemed rude.

In Honor of My Grandpa

In honor of my Grandpa I wanted to post some information about him. I love you Grandpa. May you rest in peace.


KOENIG, Ronald Edward
CAREER LAWMAN RONALD E. KOENIG DIES AT AGE 76
On August 14, 2009, Ronald Edward Koenig completed a full life lived for his family and the law enforcement community.
Ron was born to Vernal and Regina (Donlin) Koenig on August 14, 1933, in Spencer, Nebraska. He attended St. Charles Elementary School and moved with his family to Red Bluff, California at the age of 12. He graduated from Mercy Academy and Red Bluff Union High School. He worked at the local lumber mills and hauled hay while attending Shasta College. Ron later attended Chico State University on the GI Bill and continued working nights at the Red Bluff Moulding Mill.
Ron joined the United States Army in 1951 and was attached to the 11th and 82nd Airborne Paratrooper Division at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, and Fort Bragg, South Carolina. He was Sergeant with 57 master parachute jumps and received an honorary discharge after being shot during a training exercise. While in the Army, Ron met the love of his life, Patricia Hearn of Nashville, Tennessee. They married in 1956.
Ron began his career in law enforcement in 1958 upon graduation from the California Highway Patrol Academy. He was a State Traffic Motor Officer and was assigned to the San Bernardino County Division. He continued with the CHP as a public relations officer for theYuba-Sutter County and Red Bluff communities from 1958 - 1974.
Ron continued to serve in the law enforcement community upon being elected as Sheriff of Tehama County in 1974, the office he held until 1985. Under his leadership, he was instrumental in professionalizing the Department through POST certification of its officers. He oversaw the completion of the new jail, created the neighborhood watch and senior volunteer programs, As sheriff, he also established the explorer scouts program and reinstated the mounted sheriff's posse. Ron was also effective in establishing the Departments first marijuana eradication program.
In 1985, Ron was appointed as Chairman of the California Board of Prison Terms by Governor George Deukmejian and reappointed by Governor Pete Wilson. He served as Chairman of the Board for twelve years during which time he participated in parole hearings for high profile criminals such as Charles Manson and SirHanSirHan. He served longer as Chairman than anyone in the history of California.
Ron was a member of the California State Sheriff's Association, the California Peace Officer's Association, the Red Bluff Elks Lodge, Moose Lodge, and Rotary International. He was an avid tennis player, loved to play poker with his family and friends and loved to dance. As a young man attending college, he taught dance at the Chico Arthur Murray School of Dance.
Ron is survived by his wife, Patricia, of 52 years. They raised four children together: Teresa (Koenig) Meza of Richmond, VA, Angela (Koenig) Schiele, Barry Koenig, and Bryan Koenig of Elk Grove, CA. Ron has twelve grandchildren and two great-grand children. A brother, Robert Koenig of Folsom, Ca and sisters Donna Jones of Seattle, WA and Mary Thompson of Redding, CA. Ron's Mother, Regina Koenig, is 100 years old and is still living in Red Bluff, CA. Preceded in death by his Father, Vernal J. Koenig.
Besides his loyalty to his wife, children and grandchildren, Ron's true passion was to law enforcement. Ron, whenever possible, encouraged many young men and women to the profession he dearly loved. We will remember Ron for his infectious laugh and how he loved to tease. His grandchildren will honor and remember their grandfather's tireless work ethic and as a man of integrity.
A Rosary will be held at 7:00 p.m. on August 20, 2009 at St. Joseph's Catholic Church, 9961 Elk Grove Florin Road, Elk Grove, CA with funeral to follow on Friday, August 21 at 1pm.
In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the following organizations: Coalition for Pulmonary Fibrosis, Suite F #227 1659 Branham Lane, San Jose, CA 95118 www.coalitionforpf.org

Veterans Wreaths Across America, P.O. Box 256, Harrington, ME 04643. www.wreathsacrossamerica.org
Published in the The Sacramento Bee on August 16, 2009

A lot going on lately

Well, girls I really feel like crap today. Seriously feeling blue and wishing I had a baby (as usual). I guess things have been really crazy here emotionally. I have been crying tons the last few days with my Grandpa's viewing on Thursday night and then the funeral yesterday. It was absolutely a beautiful funeral. I didn't take any pictures though because I didn't want to have to think about anything else but being with the family.

We all met at the church Friday afternoon. My Grandma, my sister, Dh, and I all drove to the funeral together. When we arrived there was the Sheriff's department that my Grandpa had served both as Highway Patrol Men and as Sheriff for many years in. It was so beautiful to see everyone in uniform. My brothers and cousins were the pallbearers and they all dressed in black with white gloves. Everyone dressed in black so it was very formal and my grandma even wore a short veil of lace over the front of her face. It was so classy to see. Well, we were all crying during the funeral and at the end my Grandma had a poem read by my cousin that she had wrote to my Grandpa so that she could say good-bye to him. I was a mess during that reading. Seriously, this was so hard to go through. We haven't had anyone in our family die in so many years and my Grandpa was really the center of the family. He was such a great man and a wonderful example of how I would like to live my life. After the funeral Mass we went to the cemetery and were escorted by a dozen of the CA Highway Patrol on motorcycles that blocked off all stop lights(motorcade)which I thought my Grandpa would have really liked to have seen. At the cemetery we all placed white roses on the casket and taps was played along with the folding of the American Flag. It was just so beautiful. My Grandma then had doves released then she really started crying which just broke my heart to see because she is such a strong woman. Afterwards we went back to my Grandparent's home for a huge reception. Let me just say the reception was AWESOME! After the party got started (there was about 100 people there)we went through about 180 margaritas, 14 bottles of white wine, 1/2 a cag (sp?)of beer and tons of soda. It was a thirsty crowd. By the end of the night every man there had had a turn being thrown in the pool...either willingly or unwillingly. It was definitely a party that my Grandpa would have enjoyed. All of our hearts were heavy though through out the night and we all told stories about my Grandpa...May he rest in peace. Thank you all for your prayers!!!!

As for crazy cycle news. Things have been so depressing. Let me explain. The other day on Peak + 9 I realized as I was about to inject the HCG injection that I was going to inject the FREAKING water solution! Can you believe it? That means definitely on P+7 I injected water. I just can't remember or even believe that I had done so on P+5 but that would explain why my levels were so low. I SERIOUSLY CAN NOT BELIEVE I MADE THIS STUPID MISTAKE! I remember taking the HCG on P+3 but as for P+5 it's a blur. Gosh, I tried so hard to do absolutely EVERYTHING right and then I screwed up!!!!!!!!!!!! How did this happen. UGH!

Consequently I have had red spotting since yesterday P+10. I just hope my cycle starts right now. This cycle has really been depressing and I am most certainly ready to move on! I am so embarrassed that I have to tell PPVI during my cycle review that I was injected the water solution. So maybe this cycle I only had one day of HG injection. Can I blame my "not thinking" on stress as well and that is why I made the mistake. HAHA! Yeh, right!

So Dh leaves tomorrow back to VA and I am going home on Wed. Things just aren't the same around here without my Grandpa. Please keep my poor Grandma in your prayers.

Praying for you all!

P.s. I just got news that while we are out of town that are granite countertop (bar counter) fell to the ground and everything on either broke or came tubbling down with it. How did that happen? The counter was attatched to the wall!!! What a mess! Oh well, I am still on vacation so I will worry about that later :)

Really bad news...

This has to be super quick post...

I am in CA because my Grandpa died last Friday morning. It was his birthday...we are all SO SAD about this. I will have to post more in detail later but I also wanted to mentioned my horrible P+6 results.

Progesterone: 7.7
Estrodial: 9.9

WHAT THE HELL? Last month my progesterone was 25.5 on P+8. This dosen't make sense. I told the nurse I was having REALLY bad pain on my right side during ovulation. It hurt to walk or sit down. What is up with that?
I am so upset about this I started bawling when I got off the phone with the nurse. This is so disapointing to me scince I had just taken an HCG injection the day before. I was expecting progesterone to be at least 25 and greater. The nurse had know idea why it was so low but suggested I have an ultrasound done to see what is going on. WTF? She is going to discuss this all with Dr. Hilgers so i have to wait a couple of days to get his opinion. I am just so utterly DISAPPOINTED that this cycle is certainly not going to be positive.

More to come when I can sneak away to the computer later on...praying for you girls and please pray for the respose of my grandpa's soul. He was a great man!

So much to say...

I have so much I want to say and so many blogs I want to catch up with reading that I am about to LOSE my mind, for real! I am in NY right now so I just have to play it by ear whether I'll have enough time to write in a post all I want to say before having to get off of who ever's computer I am using at the moment...

I am up in NY as I said visiting Dh as he finishes up working up here this week. I was actually so nervous to see him again as it had almost been one month since he had left to NY (yes, last cycle was a waist for ttc). It was great though when I saw Dh at the airport he made plans for us to stay the night on a boat on lake Oneida (sp?). So thoughtful! It is just so nice to be back together and at least have hope for this cycle working then. Oh, I got my camera back while up here in NY and all of my FREAK'n pictures are erased!!! yes, erased. I am in shock about this and irate at the same time. That means no pics. of Dh and our memories for like the last two years. WTF!!! What do I do about this? I am so pissed! Well, there is nothing I can do about this now :(

I have actually been doing everything I can to conceive this cycle. Except the Cod Liver Oil is KILLING me! The smell is just gagging me so I don't know how to make it through consuming it everyday. I already mix it in orange juice... any other ideas? I guess I am just trying to be "hopeful". I keep telling myself that maybe that will help out. I really have no other choice in the matter. I feel as though I am at the brink of feeling overwhelmed at any moment by thinking that I am almost at the one year mark since my surgery with Dr. Hilgers. Yup, Aug. of 2008 was the big month that things were suppose to change for us. I was just talking to Dh about this and I said have you realized that since I started treatment with Dr. Hilgers we have only had about 5 cycles of ttc. Let me do the math... o.k. this is the actual count down:
Aug. 2008- Laproscopy
Sept. 2008 - ttc
Oct. 2008 - ttc
Nov. 2008 - Pregnant
Jan. 2009 - MC
Feb. 2009 - recovery cycle
Mar. 2009 - break
April 2009 - ttc
May 2009 - ttc
June 2009 - TERRIBLY SICK (abstained)
July 2009 - Hubs. out of town
and now Aug....better have Dh around tp ttc.

So as I have counted that really dosen't count as one year since there were so many times we couldn't ttc. O.k. this is my pep. talk to try to motivate myself that were just on our sixth cycle into treatments. haha, I sound desperate for hope here.

I did make an appointment with a new RE in Richmond for Sept. 24th. Yeh, I am hoping that he might help to be more aggressive with treatment!!!!! Times a waisting and I sick of moving so slowly with treatments....Oh, which by the way this cycle is my first one with out Clomid in awhile and now I am taking Estrace during the post peak phase. Hum, I wonder what this do for me? I have got to run but I will so try to catch up with everyone soon (((hugs))) and praying!

Lovely weekend

I REALLY enjoyed meeting you all over the weekend. I can't believe how it just seemed like a whirlwind of events. Here I have been counting down forever to visit you all and gosh that really goes by fast. I am so happy to have made such great friends on this IF journey. I didn't think I would be so emotional about things on this trip. I guess you never know how IF will affect you. Here I thought oh I can be strong talking about IF and then I felt like I was on the brink of tears anytime I had to talk about it.

Do you mind Living Advent and TCIE if I get the recipes from you that you cooked for the trip. YUMMIE! It's all I can think about :)

Right now I am just so exhausted from this trip that I'll have to post more about it all later. Adrenal Fatigue is a killer! haha.