Emotional Rollercoaster & (family pictures/ video)

Last week a lady had stopped by our house (unexpected to me) to see our dog since my husband had spread the word that we are giving him away. She was considering taking him on a trial basis to see how he would fit in her home. So on Friday afternoon she called my Dh and said she'll take him that evening on a trial basis for the weekend. This was all just a little to abrupt for me. We had a half an hour to get him bathed and all his dog supplies together. I was a mess to say the least I cried the whole half an hour and then when she came to get him it just happened so quickly that I was crying out by the ladies car saying good buy. of course Oddie could care less since he didn't know what was going on. He jumped in to the car and practically drove himself away he was so excited for the car ride. So on Sunday evening Dh gets another phone call. He called me to tell me he has good news and bad news. I asked him what it was. he said the good news is Oddie is coming back and the bad news is that Oddie is coming back...(very funny I know). As much I love Oddie after having him gone for the weekend it gave us a VERY clear realization of how much easier things would be without him. I asked the lady to ell me the truth...did he pee and poop all over your house? is that why you're giving him back? She said no that he just had one accident (which is nothing for Oddie) but that he seemed sad and lonely. What? Pugs seem like that anyways because of their natural facial expression. I am glad she gave it a try though...she was brave enough to keep him for two days. Yesterday I put an add up on the R.ichmond P.ug M.eetup G.roup hoping that some "pug lover" would respond. What do you know? A lady called me today who has another pug/mix dog 5 years old and is looking for a play mate for her dog. This sounds like the perfect situation. So here we go again. She is going to pick Oddie up this Friday for a trial basis and then if she likes him then she'll keep him. I just know I'll be a crying mess all over again. It is just so hard to give away your dog if you're really attached to him. And I am such a huge dog lover too, UGH! This all has been an emtional rollercoaster! Anyways, in other fertility news I wanted to tell you all that I called PPVI yesterday to see if I could reduce my dose of Naltrexone to something smaller than 50mg. I don't want to be taking that much Naltrexone if I don't have to. The nurse asked me if it is still helping me with my moods. I told her yes, but that I used to just get anxiety attacks during PMS times before my cycle would start. Naltrexone helped to relieve that. But now that I am not having cycles maybe I could have the dose reduced. She called back later that night and said that Dr. hi.ilgers said I could stop taking it all together, YEAH!!! Now I am second guessing myself and wonder if I am doing the right thing. What if I do stop taking it and then something goes wrong? Am I just over analyzing this and acting paranoid that something might go wrong? Any advice out there? Also, the nurse said I don't need to wing myself off of it. Is that true as well? Please girls let me know if you have heard anything different. I was thinking about just continuing the Naltrexone until 20 weeks but then maybe at 20 weeks I'll be to nervous to stop taking it then anyways...what should I do? Here are some pictures of my family over the last couple of weekends...the first few are when we went out to dinner before a play, and also a video of my dad's birhtday party with the family. This is my family (missing my other brother and SIL and their children Louie and me

Candice and me

My Dad, brother, sister, and SIL doing Irish Car Bombs to Celebrate St. patrick's Day (my mom was just cheering them on)

My sister and neice (I just love her smile here)

My adorable nephew

Last appointment update and video.

Things have been so crazy with trying to catch up at work since my PW obsession, haha! But I am almost caught up now and since it is Friday and I don't have Internet over the weekend then I need to post about my appointment before the next one rolls around.

Everything went really well. I like the mid wife a lot and since she is a mid wife and I assumed a little more open minded about the drugs I am taking then I went ahead and told her the whole list which she didn't even bat an eye about so I was relieved. She really
took her time answering all of our questions (which weren't very many) and then talked about how things work there at St. Francis. She was in the middle of delivering a baby while we met with her and you would have never have been able to guess that by how calm she was.

After we finished talking she had me get up on the table to hear the baby's heartbeat and see how things are going. Dh and I thought she would be able to hear the heartbeat right away like our last appointment but she really took her time listening to my blood flow (through the umbilical cord) and then finding the heartbeat...which felt like eternity! Dh and I were both stressing about how long it took which I think that's why I look so serious during the video ;) Anyways, she said that the heartbeat is about 140. So she said she would guess it's a boy...of course Dh was just beaming at the thought of having a boy, but she also said that she is definitely not certain about that and that it is strictly a guess...so we'll just have to wait another 5 months to find out. Don't ask me why but I have been guessing it's a boy the whole time. Oh, if you listen carefully on the video when the mid wife is listening to the baby's heartbeat you can hear a tap about half way through, that's because the baby kicked right where she was listening, amazing!

My next appointment isn't until April 12th so I'll be almost 21 weeks by then. I kind of wish it were sooner because my progesterone levels are starting to make me a bit worried. I know PPVI said I shouldn't be worried but I just don't understand why my levels aren't rising very high. My last two results were 32.7 and now 30 low zone 2. They said if they drop any further they will have to increase my dosage for the shots. Oh well! I asked the nurse if this is normal for a pregnancy and she said yes, not to worry so I guess I should stick with that advice...

I have had worse morning sickness lately which is weird to me that it would be getting worse instead of better. I have thrown up a few times now which is certainly nothing to complain about since a lot of other women get much sicker than that, it's just that I am a big baby about it in the morning have been late to work everyday since it is so hard to get going.

Oh, another thing, my sister took me out shopping on Saturday for some maternity clothes. She was so sweet about it. She loaded up the dressing room with tons of items and then let me pick out which ones I liked best. So freaking nice!!! I ended up with two dresses and two tops. I feel so much better in these than my old clothes. None of my pants fit anymore and some of my stretchy dresses still fit so that o.k. I actually tried to get in shape the other day and went for a two mile power walk (well I didn't actually get my heart rate up) but I came home and my legs were shaky and I felt like I ran 5 miles, seriously! I told Dh I couldn't cook dinner and went and lied down for awhile. I was exhausted!!! So I guess I'll have to build up to long walks (although two miles doesn't sound very far at all). My sister was out jogging while I walked and she passed me by on her 6 mile run and then came back for me at the end to finish my walk with me. She is a crazy jogger going to so far all the time.

Other than this not to much else has been going on...we went and saw the play "Wicked" last weekend which was VERY entertaining. it was so nice to be able to get dressed up and go out to dinner and a play for the night. I love doing things like that.

Praying for you girls to have a wonderful Feast Day of St. Joseph!!!!
xo

Falling behind...

I had an appointment on Wednesday with my new mid-wife. I love her...she is great. I can't wait to post more about everything but this week at work I am swamped with stuff to do. PW through me behind a bit, haha! Anyways, Dh took two videos as well so I will post them too. I can't believe that at my next appointment I will be 21 weeks. WOW! Time is really flying.

Checking in

Well girls, I am just checking in. I feel like there isn't really much going on in my life to post about lately so maybe as I write this post things will come to mind. I have come to the realization that I am just not myself lately...what I mean is I am incredibly "spacey". That might be the word to describe it, but I keep doing really stupid forgetful things that I never used to do. For example, I preheated the oven the other night to 450 so I could broil a bake potato. Unfortunately, I completely forgot that I stored plastic spatulas inside some pots in the oven as well. It started to smell really bad so I asked Dh to clear out the pots in the oven...that's when I realized I completely melted the handles of the spatulas onto my pots and lets just say the smell was crazy TOXIC. Not only this incident but I catch myself leaving the burner on to the stove, etc. or Dh will ask me to pick something up from the store and I drive to the store, buy everything but the items Dh asked for and then return home feeling like an idiot. It's just not like me to be so forgetful.

All this has led me to purchase renter's insurance for our house (I should have done this along time ago) but now I feel like it is necessary because I just don't trust my brain lately, haha!

I did sign Dh and I up for our Bradley Birth Classes. Yeh!!! I know it is still awhile off but classes fill up fast so I am just glad to get it off the list. I did want to do the Tues. night classes offered in the spring just because I hate the idea of Sunday evening classes during the summer but there was a problem with this. L.ost is on Tuesday nights and we can't miss that :) So, we're going to take the May-June session on Sunday evenings. I also, signed us up for a free class offered at the hospital about breast feeding and on taking care of newborns. It can't hurt to see what they have to say as I haven't ever had to take care of newborn before.

Other than this I am just about finished reading this book called, Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.
it is really interesting and now I am considering hiring a doula to help with the whole birth as well as using a mid-wife. The nice thing is is that my Bradley Birth instructors (there are two of them) are both doulas so it will be great to talk with them about it.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that we're in the process of giving one of our dogs away. I am telling myself that this is ABSOLUTELY necessary that we do this. I seriously feel sick about it but we really have any other choice. Oddie has been my furbaby for 3 years. We drove all the way to PA (3 hours) to purchase him and I cried when I got him. Actually, I can't post much else about him or I'll start crying here at work...

Speaking of work I guess I should actually do some. I have been reading T.he P.ioneer W.oman's Love Story today and it has been a huge distraction...

Blogger's Dinner

Yesterday, A Friend of Gianna came into town for a visit. I had such a wonderful time with the girls!!! Unfortunately, AYWH wasn't able to make it because of Clara being sick (please pray for her). So it ended up that GIMH and baby E, my sister, my SIL, and myself all got together with Shannon and had dinner. Shannon was so sweet and brought me a gift. TOTALLY unexpected! it is the book "Prayerfully Expecting". I think I got that right. Anyways, I can't wait to get started ready it. THANK YOU SO MUCH SHANNON! It is always so nice when you finally get to me a blogger Friend in person. Shannon is just like how I thought she would be, super sweet and friendly. I hope she can come again and visit!!! I really liked the food the restaurant had as well. It's called the B.oat House.

Anyways, I finally went out and bout two maternity items yesterday on my lunch break. It was a very strange experience...I felt kind of out of place in the store. I ended up with a dress and a sweater. Let me just say that it is soooo much nicer to put on some loser clothing. I am down to just a few items that still fit me at home. I think 11 pounds makes a big difference to my waist line, haha! I got back my next set of Progesterone results today and they are not as great as I would like but I am still happy with them. The results are 31.8 which is High Zone 2. I am suppose to stay on the 100mg. shots still 2x per week. I was hoping that it would be higher and I could possibly stop the shots but oh well. Guess my little baby needs this stuff ;) Which is fine with me. It's just that my rear end is numb in the shot spots and super tender...

I made a point this week to finally switch hospitals and get all my records transerred to where I plan on delivering. The new hospital I am going to has two midwifes which I am really excited about. There both into natural delivery so I am relieved to find them. My SIL had nothing but good things to say about them so I am fortunate that she tried them out first ;) I am very excited that I get to meet one of the midwifes for my next appointment on March 10th, right around the corner. yeh! I hope you all have a great weekend. Many prayers!

Our baby's heart beat at 12 weeks- video attached

We got to hear our baby's heart beat on Tuesday! My computer at work crashed this week so I had to wait to get a new one so I could post about this.

It was amazing though to hear. As soon as the doctor came in she asked if we wanted to hear the heart beat first or at the end of the appointment. Of course we said first. Dr. D put the little wand on my stomach and immediately we could hear the heart beat pounding away nice and loud. Dh recorded it and I was trying to be really still so we could hear the heart beat but now I think I look more like a robot in the video. I think I was in shock with everything. It's all just so overwhelming to think this is really actually happening!!!! Thank you all for your prayers. Everything at the appointment went great. It is the last appointment I am going to have with this doctor before switching to a different hospital. I was kind of sad about that and I didn't tell the doctor either that I plan on switching because I feel like I am betraying her. She has been wonderful!!! So Pro-life and all. But I really want to have a mid-wife for delivery and not a doctor....I know that is still down the road but with insurance it is best I make the switch sooner than later.

I have already gained 10 pounds this pregnancy. Fine with me! It is very weird to see my body going through all of these changes but I really don't mind. I love every discomfort that comes with this pregnancy. I am just so grateful for this gift.

I never realized that after dealing with IF how sensitive I would be to other peoples comments! I think it is that the wounds of IF always seem so fresh that they just make me more sensitive to comments. I know people have the best intentions and I am thankful for that...I am praying for you girls extra hard begging God to bless you too. It just breaks my heart to hear of some of you waiting for baby. Many, many prayers, coming your way!

Here is the video from my last appointment. I was camera shy and sppechless :) Turn up the volume so you can hear the beating of our baby's heart. So precious!

Bloggers come to visit!

Yesterday was so wonderful! I can't believe it had been about 6 months since I last saw Life Hopes and Sew Infertile. Where does the time go? We got to meet at All you Who Hopes House with Grace in My Heart. I couldn't believe that just a few short months ago all of us were childless and ten to see that 3 of us have babies, Sew should have Foster children any time, and I have a baby on the way was just amazing! Such a miracle to see how God has blessed us and worked in our lives so wonderfully. I wish I brought my camera to take pictures but I am so forgetful lately that I didn't think of that ;( Maybe I will snag one of the other girls pictures who was there :)! Anyways, even though it seemed like such a short visit it was nice just to be together again. I was under the weather so I felt so out of it sitting there visiting but still it is such a joy to have such good friends!!! I just can't believe all the good news around here lately. Not to mention Praying for Hope and Tucked Beneath His Wing (and her sister) being pregnant. This is such wonderful news!

I have been sick with a cold recently and trying just not to take anything since I am still early on in my pregnancy. I called and changed my next ultrasound appt. from Thurs. to Tues. so that I can go in two days earlier. Those extra 48hrs. are a killer since I am so impatient!!! So now I have the appt. on Tues. February 9th. I just hope to hear my little babies heart beat pounding away...please God.

The nurse at PPVI called today and said my progesterone level are at 34.6! Zone 3 again and here I have been on half the dose of progesterone so I thought for sure my levels would drop, but they didn't they rose again. The nurse said that she thinks I will only have to stay on the progesterone for the first trimester!!! What? I told her I didn't care if i had to take those shots every hour if that's what i have to do to stay pregnant and she said she understood. But that's good news if I don't have to stay on the shots the whole pregnancy :) I am on cloud nine! Thank you all for your prayers.