My dogs and thank you

Here are some pic.s of my dogs today. DH and I took them to the dog park for the first time. It was so much fun. We did this to get my mind off of things and it really helped out, not to mention now we will have a peaceful evening with two wiped-out dogs. If you can't tell, my golden retriever insisted smashing himself behind the passenger seat of the car and that is why you can barely see him :)

I really want to thank you girls too for all of your prayers and positive support. I really don't know what I would do with out you all, SERIOUSLY! You're the best! Love and prayers!

Disappointed

Big fat negative this morning...I am so FRUSTRATED I just don't know what to say besides WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH MY BODY?

Losing it

I took an OPK this morning (CVS brand)when I woke up at 11:45pm and the lines were darker but it doesn't look like that now. Well, I had already gone pee at 7:30 am so I am not sure if that still counts as morning pee (TMI) probably not. Anyways, I don't know if I am just driving myself nuts. I already broke down to Dh crying that the results were negative and now it is a couple hours later and I just thought I would post a pic. because I am PSYCHO this weekend! Tuesday was the last day of HCG and I know I am suppose to wait at least five days. I am going NUTS seriously...CRAZY here!

Thinking Negative

Yes, I am thinking negative about this cycle because it feels like my period is now coming. Like the heavy crampy feeling...same old, same old CRAMPS! I just wish I could end this cycle and start over with a new one!!!

(this is what I am telling myself!)Thanks for all your support and prayers. And don't worry LH I am an open book...no secrets here :)

The Waiting Game

I really do hate the 2WW. Sometimes it just drives me nuts. Now this cycle when I actually have my hopes up (yes, I'll admit to that) I am having a hard time sleeping at night because I just keep thinking maybe, just maybe things might be different this time...oh, to dream. Anyways, today is CD 27, P+11 and I am trying to talk myself out of it. Maybe I messed up on when my peak day was and went in to soon for my blood draw, who knows. I guess I just need to pray and be patient. On to waiting...and getting some housework done :)

Too tired to post lately...oops (UPDATED with great news)

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...things have been so busy with the school year just beginning. It took me a while to adjust to working in a school environment but I have to say I am really enjoying it. The children are really adorable (we'll some of them are) and I am constantly learning new things or ways of doing things better. The job is way more time consuming than I thought it would be but maybe it is just because it is my first year doing something like this. Each week seems to get easier so hopefully it will continue to be like that.

So Dh and I went to Bethany Christian Services for an Adoption Orientation last Tuesday night. I almost lost it during the meeting emotionally when the part about expenses and fees were talked about. In our financial bracket, if we apply before Nov. 1, then we would have to pay around 17,000 + for an adoption or if we apply after Nov. 1 when the fees change then we would have to pay around 25,000 +. There is no way we would ever be able to do this. EVER!!! So I was really sad about this during the meeting and barely made it to the parking lot before bursting out in tears that we'll never have a baby, are finances stink, and that we'll never be able to adopt. Pretty negative I know! But I was just so overwhelmed with everything. I know that things aren't that bad it's just that after dealing with IF for so long and then hearing how costly adoption is I just kind of collapsed under the strain of it all. I am so blessed to have a husband that is so positive. He told me that we should send a letter out to all the priests that we know and inform them of our situating. Also, I am sure there are other routes we can take as well I am just not that informed about the adoption process to know what they are. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. I would really appreciate it.

I am on P+9 today which is CD 25. I hope it is o.k. but I have been taking Robitussin (sp?) since Sat. because I have been feeling horrible with a cold/fever/aching body type thing. We went to a friends house on Sat. and I just couldn't figure out why I wasn't feeling tha great and then it just hit me as the night went on that I was coming down down with a cold/flu. I hate that during the 2WW because I never know what I am allowed to take that won't ruin things. Any one else know what is o.k to take? Well, I already have a call into PPVI about my P+7 results. If you don't remember last month I had horrible results of Progesterone 7.7 and Estrogen 9.9 UGH! I am still so disappointed about those results. So I am REALLY hoping to see some really good results this month. Please God!

I read the other day on line that it is not good during the 2WW to do any exercises that over heat the body during that time. Is this true? The information said you can swim or do light activity but no jogging and stuff like that. Well, I have been jogging so this concerns me if I am ruining my chances of ttc. Am I just paranoid? I don't know...

Anyways, here is my lasagna recipe for those that want it:(It is a favorite in my house but not nearly as good as TCIE, hint hint.

Total Time 40 Minutes

Brown in 1 T. Olive Oil; Stir in: (I use tons of olive oil)
1 Ib. bulk italian sausage
1 C. onion, diced
2 t. garlic minced (I use tons of garlic)

Add:

3 C. fresh tomatoes, chopped (I use 1 1/2 large cans of Muir Glen diced tomatoes and lightly drain the juice from the cans)

1/2 Ib. Dry mafalda noodles, they look like mini lasagna noodles(if you can't find them then you can use campanelle noodles)

1 c. chicken broth
1/4 t. dried Italian Seasoning ( I use tons of this)
1/4 t. red pepper flakes ( I use lots of this)
Salt and pepper to taste

Off Heat, Stir In; Layer and Broil:

3 oz. fresh mozzarella, cubed
1/2 C. Parmesan, grated, divided
3/4 C. whole milk ricotta
6 oz. fresh mozzarella, sliced

Garnish with:
1/4 C. thinly sliced fresh basil

Brown the sausage in oil in a large saute pan over high heat, 5minutes, crumbling with a spoon to break up the large chunks. Stir in onion and garlic; saute 2 minutes.
Add the tomatoes, mafalda, broth, and seasonings, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until noodles are soft, stirring occasionally, 10 minutes.

Preheat broiler to High with the rack 5-6" below heating element.
Off heat, stir in the cubed mozzarella nd half of the Parmesan. Dollop with ricotta, top with mozzarella slices, and sprinkle with remaining Parmesan. Broil until cheeses melt and brown slightly, 4-6 minutes.
Garnish with Basil before serving.


********************************
Update:

O.k. I finally got a call at 6:30pm tonight from PPVI, WOO-HOO and it was my favorite nurse, HEATHER. So these are my results since June (notice the difference)

June P+7
Progesterone:23.2
Estrogen:10.0

July P+8
Progesterone:25.2
Estrogen:7

August P+6
Progesterone:7.7
Estrogen:9.9

September P+7
Progesterone:31.1
Estrogen:20.7

Yes, I am freaking excited about my results just because it means my body is actually responded to the hormones...YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to Cooking Dinner

O.k. now that Dh is home for the school year I am finally back in the mood to cook dinner. Here is a picture of a yummy Skillet Lasagna I made last night. It is the best if you are looking for something that will last a few nights...which I am always looking for :) he nice thing about this recipe is that if you are craving lasagna but want a simple recipe that doesn't take to long to put together then your all set.

Anyways, today is CD 15 and I have had 10KL the last two days. I just can't wait to move on the the HCG this month. I am hoping that the stress this cycle has affected a thing...yeh, right! haha! I know it does but I am just so anxious to move on already to the P+7 blood draw and see if it is any better than last month.

Yesterday I went on my F.acebook rampage of looking for friends that might be pregnant again that I just didn't know about yet. Yes, I found about five friends!!! One of the girls it took her three years to get pregnant (naturally) and now she is expecting her third. She is having one baby after another now. I just don't get it!!! How did her body just stat working all of a sudden. Will that end up happening for any of us IF girls? I pray it does.

On Sunday Dh and I are to a baptism for my "brother's" baby. I think they chose us as godparents because we were suppose to be due at the same time but I am actually hoping that I am able to keep myself together during the ceremony. My due date was Aug. 15th and this baby was born on the 16th. So, I really am having to pray about the fact that I keep thinking that Dh and I would have been baptizing our own baby right now. I guess I am just holding on to what could have been. I really need to pray for the grace to make it through this weekend and just let go. I just don't want anyone to give me any looks of sympathy during the baptism of our godchild. I really just want everyone to forget about us that day so I don't have to talk about IF at all...please say a prayer for DH and me if you remember to. Thank you!!!

Hope you all have a blessed weekend! Praying for you all!

The cross is too heavy

I am speechless...to many pregnancy announcements today and I feel crushed and depressed...going to bed now!

A little crazy aroud here!

Here are just a couple pictures from when my family was in CA for my Grandpa funeral. These were taken at the reception. The first one from left to right is my sister Candice, my brother Jacob, my lovely Grandma , my other brother Joseph, me, and Dh Louis.

The second picture from left to right is me holding my nephew Sam, my cousin Matthew is in the back, then my sister Candice and my sweet husband!

So, things have been just CRAZY here at my house. When I got back from CA last week I only had a few days to prepare everything for my new job. I was just swamped! I woke up this morning, the first day of school (well for the after school program) and I was a mess. I came down stairs to get a cup of coffee and lost it mentally!!! I started bawling to Dh about how tired I was and that I was just so scared to have to talk in front of the kids and I still had so much to do. So, Dh sent me back to bed, gave me some Rescue Remedy and told me to get more rest before starting the day. I couldn't sleep though I just laid there wishing I didn't have to go to school today. The thing is that I am really good at organizing and planning but when it comes to being out going in front of people I feel like I have to act like another person. I guess it really just takes the life out of me. Dh was so SWEET today and showed up to help me out through the whole program today. Everything ended up going very well and the kids really enjoyed making their friendship quilt today. Yeh, tomorrow they are going to sew it and hang it on the wall. So enough of my complaining....

Today is CD 11 and I haven't been taking everything the last two days but I am going to tomorrow. My brain was just to tired to think of everything. I am so hoping that me being stressed out with a new job won't affect my cycle. PLEASE GOD! I hope by body works this cycle :) The good news this cyce is that I was able to take Clomid back to the list of things to take so here is my now updated litany of drugs and supplements:

1.Pre-natals
2.B6
3.Cod Liver Oil
4.Hydrocort
5.Hcg injections
6.Fertile CM
7.Mucinex
8.Estrace
9.Bioxin
10.Probiotics
11.Baby Asprin
12.Slow release T3
13.Naltrexone
14.Clomid

Whether my hormones were low last month based on screwed up shots or just because I wasn’t taking clomid that cycle it doesn’t matter because I just feel more hopeful when I am taking ovulation stimulation drugs ;)
***Continued post next day
So I ended up going to bed last night after writing part of this post at 10:30 p.m. and didn’t wake up until 9:00 a.m. I am still so tired…Dh says it’s because I have stopped exercising that I am so tired so he made me promise I would go running today. Ugh! So I’ve got to go now. Off for a run…wish me luck!
Gosh, I really miss you girls!!! Praying for you all…
P.s. Please keep my friend K and her hubs, in your prayers. She is not a blogger but is really praying and wanting peace with the adoption process she is in right now and for God will to be done. ..thank you!