Housewife Superstars

Has anyone seen this video?

I think it is very interesting and quite surprising in this day and time to see so many women desiring to fulfill their vocation as a SAHM. But what if you don't have children. Should you have to still continue to feel as though you must work outside the home until you conceive? I just wonder what if that is the situation for some of us...Maybe some of us aren't conceiving because we are to stressed out by working a career. These are just some thoughts so I don't mean to offend anyone by this. I certainly don't have any desire to have a career outside the home but I probably won't stop working until I do have a baby. ho-hum...When will that be???????? I really enjoyed this video thugh. It is great seeing women proud to be feminim.

Is it just me...

Is it just me or does it seem like quite a few of us our a bit down right now to say the least. It makes me so sad to see how IF affects all of our lives. Almost every blog I have read lately has to do with being down which really shows just how hard IF is. For me I think it just might be because the holidays are coming. I used to really look forward to this time of year but since dealing with IF it has become a time of year I dread. I always long for a baby to complete our family more so this time of year than any other. Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I allow myself to dream what it will be like to share these holidays with a little one in my arms. But it seems so far off!!! Yesterday I stumbled across some baby clothes I have tucked away in my P.j. drawer. I hurried and stuffed them under some clothes so I wouldn't have to think about things.
I can't believe in a couple weeks, Nov.8 will be the anniversary of the cycle I first conceived on. Where does the time go? I really imagined things being different at this point. I thought for sure I would conceive already since everyone said your most fertile after miscarrying...wrong! I certainly didn't conceive right away. But then again, Dr. H.ilgers didn't let me start taking any drugs until three whole months after miscarrying. Maybe that was a mistake to wait so long. Who knows...I guess only God does when it comes down to it and for now I would be better off trusting His will for me rather than second guessing everything that has happened over the last year.

Praying for you girls!!!!

Going public again

Well girls I am tired of having my blog be private. I really miss meeting all the other fellow bloggers that are dealing with IF or going through the adoption process. I am so looking forward to catching up with some old blogger friends that I haven't heard from the last few months.

Here's to the future public blogging...cheers!

Feeling Jealous!

I went to my first exercise class tonight in about 2 months. What do you think the first words out of the instructors mouth were?

That's right..."My wife is pregnant"

Ugh! I just felt so bummed all class and all evening. Am I always going to feel like this? Will I ever be at that point where I will respond happily or will I always have that sick stabbing pain my heart? The instructors wife is beautiful. She looks like a model and not to mention she works there all the time.
I have to keep telling myself that I am doing all I can to help with my fertility or lack of...I guess when I am having a hard time sticking to this diet it is always consoling to think someday, someday it will happen and I will have a healthier body for the baby to grow in. I can't help but feel like if I would have been on this diet before conceiving last Nov. then maybe my womb would have been a more peaceful environment for the baby to survive in. I really hate endo. so this is all I can really do at this point to calm down my insides.

I found some gluten free/wheat free/dairy free pancake mix tonight at whole foods so I bought it. It is by Bob's Red Mill. Well here's a picture of the stuff I bought for my Sunday morning treat. I figured I'll just use 1 egg white, Almond Milk (which the recipe calls for), and pure raw maple syrup, and Ghee (clarified butter with the milk solids removed). I can't wait to test it out

Cheating

O.k. I found these really yummy cookies to cheat on with the endo diet. I mean I am going to cheat so why not cheat on something somewhat decent and not to damaging to my system, right? Has anyone else tried these?

http://www.pamelasproducts.com/Products_frames.html

http://www.pamelasproducts.com/Products_frames.html

Not sure if I posted that right but I bought the ginger snaps and chocolate chip cookies. they really do the rick of helping out my sweet tooth.

Other than this I am on CD 8 today...I have more CM than usual right now which is weird. I am not really hoping this cycle. Just feeling kind of blue about the whole thing.

Praying for you girls!

16 pounds

Finally down 16 pounds since trying to lose weight since Easter vacation. I know it seems lke that has taken a long time but I am so relieved the scale isn't going up the other way. Also, I think this endo diet is really helping me lose a few more pounds. Now if I can just start excerising again!!! I have been on a two month break, haha! Where does the time go? I got a cold two months ago and then that was it with exercising. I guess I need to keep it up since our gym membership doesn't expire until April 2010. It is great though that I can finally fit into some clothes I haven't worn for two winters. Whoo-hoo. I am extatic about this and all the more encouraged to stick to this diet. I actually feel great on the diet. I don't know why but I can just tell that I am handling the food I can eat so much better than the food I can't eat.

Last night my family and I went out to dinner and a play for my 30th birthday. It was so much fun. Dh gave me a beautiful necklace and a pair of earrings. I really like them a lot. My sister spoiled me and got me my very first pair of real diamond earrings, yikes! I was shocked. Anyways, now I have to post pictures of my fmaily at dinner. I was so glad everyone could make it :)

Pictures

So I am finally posting some pictures from the school event we went to over the weekend...it was so much fun!!! The pictures are of GIMH, another friend, my sister, myself and DH being silly, and then of my parents and grandma. Oh, and the first picture is of my sister celebrating her birthday at work, haha!

Mr. Wonderful

I have to say I REALLY love my husband! At midnight of my birthday he surprised me with chocolate cake, ice crea, and a really nice glass of Champenge, and sang happy birthday! It was very thoughtful and sweet, so of course I cried because that is what I do best when I am on my period, haha! Then later that day my brother surprised me at my house with bunch of ballons and a gift card to Starbucks. I also got to go to lunch with mom, grandma, sister, and SIL. We had such nice time and my grandma gave both my sister and I a really beautiful ring. YEAH! I love jewlery!!! My dad later surprised me at the school with a drink from Starbucks which was funny because he said I brought you a Mocha, just kidding it's a decaff. tea so you can stick to your diet. Isn't that thoughtful. I also "forced" brownies and icecream on the children in my afterschool program for my birthday as well. So after work I spent the evening out at my parents house with my family. My mom always makes speggetti for my sister and my birthday and then we all sang happy birthday and ate carrot cake. It was really such a nice birthday!!! Birthdays are a huge deal in my family and I am so glad of that!!!

I haven't had any cramps before my period (accept on P+8) or during CD 1-3 until this morning at 5:30 am on CD 4. I woke up with stabbing cramps and started bawling asking Dh to go get the advil. I wonder if it was from the junk I ate yesterday or if it is just to soon fo this diet to be helping me out through an entire period. Well, today I am dying of cramps and have already had 5 advil to try to cope. I was in bed all morning but now I have to go to work. I am back on track today hoping that this next period won't be so painful. Ugh! I am feeling better on this diet though. I don't know how to explain it but the food just settles better with me.

O.k. I am off to work now. Wish me luck I have zero energy and I need an IV of Advil, haha!

Hating IF

Last night I lost it. I was at my parents house all evening and couldn't help but keep thinking "oh, maybe I am pregnant this month...maybe I'll get my + hpt tomorrow" I actually was allowing myself to day dream all those special events of finding out your pregnant and having life inside of me, but then right before we left to go home I went to the bathroom and can you guess? I saw pink spotting!!!! I left their house in a very bad mood and cried on the way home to Dh and then when we got home I just couldn't stop crying. I feel like with this diet and infertility I have been giving up everything that makes me happy in life right now, for what? Nothing but another period! I HATE IT! I kept telling myself. Oh, I can make it through my 30th b-day because I am sure I'll be pregnant by then...fat chance!!!! Now I am dreading my birthday. It's just another reminder to me how long we have been ttc. I can't imagine things getting any easier with this if I started ttc when I was 24. Isn't it suppose to be easier to get pregnant when you're younger? Now I am 30 tomorrow and I just don't think my 30's are going to be an easier time of fertile years. It is just all so depressing right now!!!!!!!!
I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I can't help tearing up writing this post because I just wish things could be so different right now!!!! I really wanted that BFP this cycle and I just feel so sick about IF right now. I don't want to go to work or have to see anybody, but just stay at home and hide from everybody my very obvious barrenness!!!!

Looking forward to this evening...

I just got back shopping for school supplies and groceries for the week. This time I actually remembered to buy groceries for Dh as well. I have been forgetting to buy normal food and instead forcing him to eat endo diet food, poor guy. Well, not this week there's pie, and yummy bread, etc. just for my sweetheart.

I am so nervous for school on Monday. I am moving are program for after school care over to a brand new facility and having an orientation with the children on how their behavior should be in this room and what the new rules/routine will be. Also, I am having a meeting with my staff about positive attitudes when working with children. Yikes, it is just a lot to think about and get set up. I even had to cancel having brunch at my house for my family this Sunday because I am overwheled with things to do....not that I am complaining, I just wish I could get more done in the amount of time I have. Maybe if I woke up as early as Sew ;) this wouldn't be a problem. haha!

So, I am really looking forward to this evening because I am going to see GIMH, her hubby, my family, plus grandma, at the school event tonight. Yeah. I am not going to stick to my diet tonight. I am going to eat something healthy before I go so I don't over do it on regular food, but we'll see how that goes. I am just looking forward to getting all dressed up tonight! Yeh, PARTY! I will really try to take pictures of all of us tonight...party time. I have to go get ready!!!!

P+7 Results

I got my P+7 results (today is P+11, CD 27). So here is the running months total so far:

June P+7
Progesterone:23.2
Estrogen:10.0

July P+8
Progesterone:25.2
Estrogen:7

August P+6
Progesterone:7.7
Estrogen:9.9

September P+7
Progesterone:31.1
Estrogen:20.7

October P+7
Progesterone: 30.2
Estrogen: 19.5

I am just happy to see that my levels are finally staying up "high" as the nurse called it today. She said call me for a cycle review on CD 1 and I said hopefully there won't be a CD 1. She just laughed. Is that a bad sign? haha!

Anyways, I think I have a yeast infection. I have had it for a couple of days Anytime I switch my diet drastically this happens. Isn't that weird? I know! Also, Dh got his SA results which the IVF doctor says is normal but I would like to see what Dr. Hilgers thinks is normal. Does anyone know what PPVI considers normal for SA results? If so, please let me know. I am dying to find out.

I am so glad it is Friday because I am so incredibly tired!!!
Have a great weekend!!!!

Thanks for your support!

I have to say I really appreciated everyone's support with encouraging me to stick to the endo diet. I have to say I really like the idea of cheating for two meals out of the 21 during the week. When I think about how I was eating those 21 meals then this diet with the two cheat meals will certainly make a huge difference at some point. Last night I prayed to our baby asking for help to stick with this diet and I have to say that today felt so much easier. I even brought my own endo diet meal to the church pot luck tonight and just felt so much better about things.

Today is CD 26 which is P+10. The weird thing is that on P+8 I had some really weird cramping and then yesterday I had brown blood spotting in my underwear and today was nothing at all. Of course now I have googled implantation spotting for the first time in along time. But you know what...I get crazy hopeful every time this part of my cycle comes around. I just wish time would by a bit faster. I did the math and based on last months cycle I ovulated on CD 16 and this months cycle I ovulated on CD 16 I am almost certain I should start my period the day of my 30th birthday. Wouldn't that just SUCK! The good thing is my hormones won't be so crazy that day. How is it that my period manages to arrive on important occasions more often than not?

Well, I am off to drink some cod liver oil, yum ;) Oh, I almost forgot to tell you all that my mom actually ordered me some of the fermented cod liver oil. YEAH! I am so happy about this since I certainly can't afford that stuff. It's like gold to me!!!

Sticking to the diet...how?**Updated

How am I suppose to stick to this diet 24/7 when I am such an emtional eater. Seriously! Am I being a baby about this? Here I am right now at my brother's house babysitting with Dh and I just get so emtionally down seeing the children my brother and his wife have. I am so happy for them, but I would just like the same thing for us as well :) Not only this but there is FREAKING pizza in the oven that was calling my name so I lost it and passed off my endo diet dish to Dh and ran and grabbed a slice of pizza. Should I just enjoy it if I am at my breaking point and just try again later or should I just quit now. I am really just talking out loud about this. I know I should keep trying and maybe this will get easier. I have decided though for my 30th birthday I am going to eat whatever I want at that party. Seriously, I am already sad about turning 30 and not having any living babies so sticking to the diet on that day is not going to go over well.

For you girls that have or that are doing any sort of diet to have with fertility right now, can you give me some advice? How do you do it? (Especially during special events?)

Now for a cycle update...today is P+8 and I forgot, yes forgot, to take my HCG injection yesterday so I took it around 1:45pm today. Where is my head? I also forgot to pick up my blood work today from the hospital to mail. I can't believe I am being so forgetful about fertility stuff lately!!!! I am driving myself nuts. haha!

I weird type period cramping today for awhile that I thought was a bit to early to start having. I wonder what that means. Oh, by the way, now we're just waiting for Dh's SA results. I can't wait to hear what they are!!!! I am such an impatient person. haha!

It is so nice to be blogging again...now I am going to catch up on some blog reading:)


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O.k. make that two slices of pizza and 1/2 a beer. YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I haven't posted lately!!!!! **Updated

I guess I should have posted awhile ago so that I would remember everything I've been wanting to tell you all...don't get your hopes up I don't have anything really exciting to share.

Let's see I had an RE appointment here in Richmond a couple of weeks ago that was pretty interesting. Basically the main thing the doctor told me that is preventing us from conceiving is ENDOMETRIOSIS. O.k. honestly I just feel really sorry for anyone that gets me and DH as a patient because this doctor just had a look on his face as if he had no idea exactly what to say to us. He recommended that Dh gets a SA done again which we have just been putting off doing and also a post coital test done. So, now that it has been awhile after that appointment I went ahead and had the post coital test done on Sunday morning. It really was amazing. The doctor let me look through the microscope to see Dh's sperm and my mc together and they were actually swimming around nice and healthy. The doctor said this is not our problem so that is one more thing to check off of our list. It really made me start thinking though what is our problem? If it is endo that is really causing IF then I need to do something to help heal myself the best I can. On Sunday (Oct.4) I went out and bought tons of food for the endo diet and lots of things that would help me stick with it. I already started winging myself off of coffee a week and a half ago now I am ready for the diet changes.

(To be continued)

O.k. Anyways, I have just finished my first week on the endo diet and now I have to say almost every evening this week I have went to bed incredibly IRRATABLE because I just miss my old eating habits. I didn't realize how addicted I was to SUGAR in all is wonderful forms. HAHA!

Well, I have spent tons of time this week researching what I can eat. I went to these stores:
Whole Foods
Ellwoods Natural Food Market
Trader Joe’s
Fresh Market

And guess what? All of these stores had lists for me to have that say what foods they sale are Gluten free/ wheat free. Isn’t that great? Then all I had to do was check the back of these products to see if they were:
Dairy free
Egg free
Red Meat free
Sugar /honey Free
Soy Free

And I think that was it. I have to admit I did by some things to “cheat on” like wheat free- gluten free ginger snaps. Just so I don’t go crazy and eat a whole candy bar full of junk.

But honestly I have had major with drawls lately…SERIOUSLY I am always thinking about food!!!!!!

Today I had my P+7 blood draw but I couldn’t wait around to collect the blood for mailing so now I have to go back tomorrow to pick it up. I would think my numbers are going to be higher this month just because I took my P+5 HCG injections at 12:30 at night. YIKES I know! Oh, and tomorrow morning DH has his SA to get tested. I can’t wait to hear the results. I am really hoping there super high, etc.

I guess I should end this long post…now that I am done having headaches and I all I can catch up on some blog reading. I have missed you girls!!!!

P.s. If anyone has any recipes you’d like to share for endo diet tips I am all ears. Thanks!!!

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The picture at the top of this post is of the pastry I made for brunch with GIMH ad AYWH.

Here is the recipe if you're interested (it is so not on the endo diet!!!!)
Rich Coffee Cake with Berry Filling
Makes 2 small cakes, each serving 8 to 10.

The finished cakes made from this dough freeze beautifully, so we like to make the full amount of dough, bake two smaller cakes, and freeze one for later. You can use the full quantity of dough to make one large cake if you prefer (increase the baking time to 35 to 40 minutes if you go this route), or the recipe can be halved, as it must be if you opt to mix the dough in a food processor rather than a standing mixer. Between rising, shaping, and proofing, preparing these cakes is time-consuming, though not at all labor-intensive. An early morning start will let you make, rise, shape, proof, and bake the dough all in one day. Alternatively, you can refrigerate the shaped, proofed loaf overnight and bake it the next morning for breakfast. The Lattice Top or Twisted Coil shapes are best for this juicy, berry-filled cake.

Ingredients
Rich Coffee Cake Dough
2 packages dry active yeast (4 1/2 scant teaspoons)
1/4 cup water (warm, 110 to 115 degrees)
1/2 cup granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
2 1/4 teaspoons table salt
1/2 pound unsalted butter (2 sticks), cut into 1-inch pieces and slightly softened
Egg Wash
1 large egg
1 teaspoon heavy cream (preferably) or whole milk
Streusel Topping (optional)
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1/2 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon table salt
5 tablespoons butter (cold), cut into 8 pieces
Coffee Cake Icing (optional)
3/4 cup confectioners' sugar , sifted
3 1/2 teaspoons milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Berry Filling
12 ounces fresh raspberries or frozen raspberries, or fresh or frozen blueberries (about 2 1/2 cups)
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice from 1 lemon
pinch table salt
pinch ground cinnamon
1 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch dissolved in 2 tablespoons water

Instructions
1. For the dough: Sprinkle yeast over warm water in bowl of standing mixer fitted with paddle; stir to dissolve. With mixer set on lowest possible speed, mix in sugar, eggs, milk, and vanilla until well combined. Add 3 1/4 cups flour and salt, mixing at low speed until flour is incorporated, about 1 minute. Increase mixer speed to medium-low and add butter pieces one at a time, beating until incorporated, about 20 seconds after each addition (total mixing time should be about 5 minutes). Replace paddle with dough hook and add remaining 1 cup flour; beat at medium-low speed until soft and smooth, about 5 minutes longer. Increase speed to medium and beat until dough tightens up slightly, about 2 minutes longer.

2. Scrape dough (which will be too soft to pick up with hands) into straight-sided plastic container or bowl using plastic dough scraper. Cover container tightly with plastic wrap and let dough rise at warm room temperature until doubled in size, 3 to 4 hours. Punch dough down, replace plastic, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, at least 4 or up to 24 hours. Alternatively, for a quick chill, spread dough about 1-inch thick on baking sheet, cover with plastic, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, about 2 hours.

3. For the egg wash: Beat egg and cream or milk in small bowl until combined. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to use.

4. For the streusel topping (optional): Mix brown and granulated sugars, flour, cinnamon, and salt in small bowl. Add butter; toss to coat. Pinch butter chunks and dry mixture between fingertips until mixture is crumbly. Chill thoroughly before using. (Can be refrigerated in an airtight container up to 2 weeks).

5. For the icing (optional): Whisk all ingredients in medium bowl until smooth. (Can be refrigerated in an airtight container up to 1 week. Thin with a few drops of milk before using, if necessary.)

6. For the filling: Bring berries, sugar, lemon juice, salt, cinnamon, and cornstarch mixture to boil, stirring occasionally, in medium saucepan over medium heat. Continue boiling, stirring constantly, until mixture is thick and shiny, 1 1/2 to 2 minutes. Scrape mixture into small bowl, cover, and chill thoroughly before using. (Can be refrigerated in an airtight container up to 3 days.)

7. For the cake: Turn chilled dough, scraping container sides with rubber spatula if necessary, onto lightly floured work surface; divide in half for two cakes. Roll, shape, and top or fill following illustrations for Lattice Top or Twisted Coil cakes, see below.

8. Cover loosely with plastic wrap on parchment-covered baking sheet and let cakes rise until slightly puffed (will not increase in volume as dramatically as a leaner bread dough), about 11/2 to 2 hours. (After this final rise, unbaked cakes can be refrigerated overnight and baked the next morning.)

9. Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Working with and baking one coffee cake at a time, brush Egg Wash evenly on exposed dough. Sprinkle evenly with streusel topping, if using. Slide baking sheet onto a second baking sheet to prevent bottom crust from overbrowning and bake until deep golden brown and/or an instant-read thermometer inserted in center of cake registers 190 degrees, 25 to 30 minutes. Slide parchment with coffee cake onto rack and cool at least 20 minutes. Drizzle icing over cake, if using, and serve.

Here is how to shape it:

1. Working with a half recipe of cold dough at a time, shape dough into a log about 8 inches long and 2 inches in diameter. Using your outstretched hands, roll the log evenly into a 40-inch rope about 1 inch in diameter.

2. With your fingers closed, gently press the log to flatten slightly into a 1 1/2-inch-wide strip.

3. Using both hands, twist the rope.

4. Loosely coil the rope to form a circle, leaving a 1/4-inch space between coils. Tuck the end under and pinch to secure. Place the cake on a parchment paper-lined sheet and cover with plastic wrap.

5. Proof until slightly puffed, 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Brush with egg wash and place the filling over the center of the top, leaving a 1 1/2-inch border all around the edges. If desired, sprinkle the top with streusel. Bake as directed.

6. After baking, dip a spoon into the white icing and drizzle it over the cooled cake.

or you can:


1. Working with a half recipe of cold dough at a time, shape dough into a 5-by-6-inch rectangle, then roll into an 8-by-12-inch rectangle (dough should be about 1/3-inch thick). Straighten with a pastry scraper to keep the sides even.

2. Place on a prepared pan. Spread a 3-inch-wide strip of filling down the center of the dough, leaving a 1 1/2-inch border at each short end.

3. Using a knife, cut a 1 1/2-inch square out of each corner of the dough.

4. Using scissors, cut a triangle with 1 1/2-inch sides in the center of each long side of the dough. Cut two more triangles (leaving a 1-inch strip of dough between each triangle) to the right and two to the left of the center triangle. Set aside dough scraps. Repeat with second long side.

5. Fold the ends over the filling, pinching the corner edges together to seal.

6. Bring the sections of dough from the long sides together in the center, overlapping the ends and pinching tightly to secure.

7. Cover lightly with plastic and proof until slightly puffed, 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Brush with egg wash and sprinkle streusel topping down the center, leaving a 1-inch border down each side. Bake as directed.