Last night I lost it. I was at my parents house all evening and couldn't help but keep thinking "oh, maybe I am pregnant this month...maybe I'll get my + hpt tomorrow" I actually was allowing myself to day dream all those special events of finding out your pregnant and having life inside of me, but then right before we left to go home I went to the bathroom and can you guess? I saw pink spotting!!!! I left their house in a very bad mood and cried on the way home to Dh and then when we got home I just couldn't stop crying. I feel like with this diet and infertility I have been giving up everything that makes me happy in life right now, for what? Nothing but another period! I HATE IT! I kept telling myself. Oh, I can make it through my 30th b-day because I am sure I'll be pregnant by then...fat chance!!!! Now I am dreading my birthday. It's just another reminder to me how long we have been ttc. I can't imagine things getting any easier with this if I started ttc when I was 24. Isn't it suppose to be easier to get pregnant when you're younger? Now I am 30 tomorrow and I just don't think my 30's are going to be an easier time of fertile years. It is just all so depressing right now!!!!!!!!
I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I can't help tearing up writing this post because I just wish things could be so different right now!!!! I really wanted that BFP this cycle and I just feel so sick about IF right now. I don't want to go to work or have to see anybody, but just stay at home and hide from everybody my very obvious barrenness!!!!
I am so sorry. I turn 30 this week as well. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard not to despair about getting older.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you this week - that God fills you with His peace and consolation.
O dear. I am so sorry. I don't know of any words to comfort you so I will ask Jesus to envelope you in his tenderness.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. I always thought that I would at least be pregnant by 30. I'll be turning 35 in January and no baby in sight.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending prayers your way!!!!
Oh hon, that is so not fair. My 30th stunk, but everyone after that has been better. I hope you are able to forget about IF for at least one night and enjoy your BD!!
ReplyDeleteAmber, I hate, hate, hate this for you and your husband. I'll be 34 in December if it makes you feel any better. I was 30 when we started to figure out something was wrong. It took until now to work on it. While I know you wanted your BFP for your 30th..... all hope is not lost. You are still young. I am praying for you guys. I hope you find peace to enjoy your birthday! Thinking about you! Nicole
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Amber. I'm almost 33, which is technically nearly "mid-30's". The number game makes me sick to my stomach. I can't think about it!
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to be the person steering you off track, but maybe the diet is too much right now. I just hate to think it is making things even harder for you. Something to think about is that the harm it might be doing to your emotional well-being (which we know can affect our fertility) might possibly outweigh the benefit it's having on the endo. Obviously I'm no expert, but just throwing that out there! On the other hand, if you feel you are supposed to continue.. I know you can do it if you put your mind to it!
You girls are the best!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Amber