I am trying to be at peace with God's will in my life right now. As far as I know things are going o.k. with the pregnancy. It is so hard not to read into Dr. H.ilger's words yesterday when his nurse called and said that my results were "adequate" and send them the ultrasound results when I get them. Does that mean barely sufficient? It is so hard not to over analyze every result and test that I have done. I really need to stay away from google because it is not doing me any good searching HCG levels all over the Internet because when it comes down to it it is the ultrasound that is the defining moment of how things are going.
I talked to a lady yesterday that I receive raw milk from and she was so encouraging about trusting God's plan for me. She has had about 6-7 miscarriages and is so devoted to the Lord. I am not sure what religion she is but to hear her talk about her trust in the Lord's plan for them is just so inspiring. I think every time I begin to worry about things I am going to say a quick prayer instead and that will make me feel better than giving in to worrying so much...I have decided to call in sick to work on the day of my ultra-sound, Jan. 14th, just because I don't want to be stressed out with having to return to work if we receive bed news. I know that sounds negative but it happened last time and I was a mess. So whether it is good or bad news i am not going to work that day for sure!
Oh Amber, I can only imagine how stressful this time must be. I will keep you in my prayers!! May God fill your heart with His peace.
ReplyDelete(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. You are acting just like every other pregnant woman. I went to Dr. Google so much, finally my friend said it flat-out: "STOP GOOGLING CRAP!"
I obsessively checked miscarriage stats. You know when Google auto-finishes a really common search for you? Well all those "What are the odds of miscarriage after X weeks?" searches -- those are mine! :)
I've learned that there is nothing you can do to feel completely at ease, but time does indeed bring a measure of comfort. And soon, you're Googling less and less about miscarriage and more and more about baby development. That's a good day.
Instead of the negative, check out the videos on YouTube named "The Biology of Human Development" or re-watch NatGeo's "In the Womb."
I know it's so hard for you because of your terrible loss. Know that lots of people are praying for you and that the tragedy of one loss does not mean in any way that there will be another.
Here is a prayer from the Mothers' Manual:
Dearest Mary, I look to you now for the help of your maternal love. You understand my trials as an expectant mother. You bore Jesus in your womb. You know the doubts and anxieties that beset me; you know the bodily suffering I endure. Like you, may I turn all these sorrows into joy. You overcame anxiety by a loving trust in God; you overcame doubt by gentle resignation to his will. Your motherhood lifted your mind above the earth and kept it close to God.
So speak to Jesus now with me, beloved Mother, as I seek prayerfully to learn to bear the trials of motherhood with joy.
Mother of Perpetual Help, pray for me.
I'm praying for you and that baby you're cooking!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, and I ordered one of these for two months, too...
ReplyDeletehttp://heartones.com/
I'm praying for you and your little one.
ReplyDeleteAmber,
ReplyDeleteI hate this for you... but its human nature to worry. Dont read anything into what Hilger's nurse did or didnt say. The point is you are informed and doing all you can for your body and baby. And they are so wonderful that they are doing everything for you too.
Maybe this will help: Ask yourself this, if even after the u/s shows everything is fabulous will you stop your worries or will new ones come on? You dont want to spend this time so frightened - its a time God designed for you to be enjoying.
I think its good to take the day off. Instead of being worried you'll get bad news and dont want to be a work... maybe when you get the good news you can stop off for some chocolates and enjoy the afternoon with a smile. (I love special chocolates they always make me extra happy)
You are doing great and we are all praying for you.
ALSO stop with the google... my doc and doc Hilgers disagree about T3 and I about drove myself crazy a couple weeks back. I just needed to walk away from the internet searches :)
Praying for you guys!
Nicole
PS: I know its easier said then done... but I just wanted to give you all the encouraging words I can :)
ReplyDeleteI think the prayer is a great idea. I love the Holy Spirit one I gave you about wanting God's will and asking the Holy Spirit to guide and console you.
ReplyDeleteFACT-Men.never.think.about.the.effect.of.their.words.on.women. lol
I am sorry his terminology is worrying you. I am sure it is fine. I am so sorry that I can't speed up time for you.
Taking off work is a great thing-it can work the other direction and be celebratory! Hope you have some friends or family in RL that you can celebrate with during the work day. Or maybe dh can take off too?
Haha, what Wheelbarrow said!
ReplyDeleteTo a physician "adequate" means "normal."
To a pregnant mother, "adequate" means "borderline."
In doc-speak, he was saying, "Hey, everything's swell."
Having grown up in Florida, I'm overly familiar with the space program, and it always bugged me when they said, "Performance NOMINAL, Discovery."
To me, "nomimal" is barely average.
To them, it's fabulous.
Stupid words.
:)
I will be praying for you as you wait for your u/s!!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what being pregnant is like after a miscarriage! I would be crawling up the walls! Don't apologize, vent and let it out! We will lift you up Momma!
ReplyDeleteWe'll be covering you in prayer. Hope you're peaceful soon!
ReplyDeleteYou girls are the BEST! You're words of encouragement are exactly what I needed!!!!!!!!!! xo!
ReplyDeleteOh, please don't worry about her choice of words - NOBODY says exactly what they mean and there's no way the nurse (and probably not even a doctor) overanalyzed the way you will, and inserted every layer of meaning that you hear. Praying for a continued healthy pregnancy!
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