Perspective

I have been thinking a lot about my last post and since I don't post often and then I decided to rant about Dh's and my Christmas plans in a negative light I don't want anyone to misconstrue that we are having marriage problems or that are marriage is in a bad state. The more I have prayed about this the more I can't help but think about Our Lady and her journey to the manger in Bethlehem to give birth to Christ. Here it is the Christmas Season and how appropriate for me to try to better understand the birth of Christ; Our Lady giving birth in an unfamiliar place, amongst strangers, away from home, etc. How can I complain? I am not sleeping in a manger, I have my family with me, I am blessed to have two beautiful babies, I have my husband by my side taking care of us. I really think in order for me to enjoy this Christmas I need to change my perspective! There was a time when I didn't have children when I would have done anything, suffered anything to have them. I really think I need to count my blessings! I am blessed this year to spend Christmas with my husband. There are many families who are not as fortunate. Also, I have my children. I get to be with, hold them in my arms and see their faces light up on Christmas morning. We will have many family members, and friends to rejoice with us in Christ's birth this season and that is truly a blessing! What I need to do is ask myself how can I make the most out of this Christmas for my family. What can I bring with us and plan for us to make this Christmas Eve and Christmas day extra special. So, if anyone has any suggestions on how to do this away from home please share. in the meantime I will be praying for God to please help me to be the wife and mother He is calling me to be this Christmas. It may not be what I have in mind but how can God mold me in to who He wants me to be if I am unwilling to respond "Fiat" like the Blessed Mother said. I need to be a trusting wife and mother to the head of my home!

Bad Day! (majorly negative post)

You ever have one of those days that just seem like it is one bad thing after another???? Today is that day for me! I just want to go back to bed and start over. But the issues that arose today are still going to be there tomorrow and I have to face them. One thing about having children is that I can't just mope and lie around like I used to if I were unhappy. I have to act like everything is o.k because they are watching me so closely even though I just want to sit on the couch and cry!!!!

I was looking forward until Christmas but I just want it to be over with!!!! I could just scream! This is my situation in a nut shell. We ended up going up to NY to see Dh's best friend and family and relatives for Thanksgiving because my family was out of town and Dh's best friend's mother has been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing treatments...long story. Anyways, Thanksgiving SUCKED! We were up there for 8 days. The kids and us were exhausted! Charlie got sick after a few days and both kids slept horribly which means we slept horribly as well. I was exhausted from bad nights of sleep and super lonely. Dh spent 6 out of 8 nights at best friend's mother's house while I went to bed with the kids. I just like to spend holidays especially close with Dh and now that we are going up to NY again for Christmas it's going to be me and the kids alone again a lot of the time. I know that there will be his family for him to pass me off to but do you ever feel like you can visit with everyone and still feel like your all by your self? i don't want to spend Christmas up there this year!!!!!!!! I want to wake up in my own house with the children's stalkings hanging, baking some nice things, having a Christmas Tree, and a baby Jesus in our manager, making traditions, and spending quality TIME TOGETHER! Now we will be staying in a empty house, just us, that is so unfamiliar to me and the kids. I am so angry that I don't have a say so in this. I have already cried about this tonight. I am so BUMMED OUT. That I am not looking forward to Christmas this year. Let's just get it over with and move on! I am not saying that I don't want to go to NY at all during Christmas but why not just a couple days after Christmas????WHY?WHY? WHY? I am off to bed because I can't even think straight about this. I am FUMING!

By the way, I don't have time to edit this post so it is seriously a ranting post. may not even make sense ;)

Just a little Update

I know this year I get the worst blogger ever award! It has been awhile since I last updated but I really feel I sometimes either have to much to say that I don't know where to start or I am just always about to type the same old thing...I am tired, overwhelmed with my house and responsibilities, love being a mom, time is going by fast, etc!

So I'll just update starting with today. I really had all these hopes of a perfect Advent. Some special tradition everyday with scripture readings, lighting our Advent Candles, lovely crafts. Things aren't going as planned. Maybe because I am not good with planning things. The thought of taking both the kids out the house to do more than one errand wipes me out! I really wish I had all my decorations up, Advent readings, crafts going on, and unlimited funds to do all of this but that just isn't it how things are this year...

I ordered this ebook today called Organized in 20 days. I am really hoping to get my life in order. Right now I am frustrated with how cluttered and unplanned things are. SERIOUSLY frustrated!!! I just want to empty everything out of my house and start fresh!

And of course I need to update on my cycle news :) Since this is a blog about fertility, right? Well, I don't have my cycle back yet. Charlie just turned 8 months and I am ready for another baby!!! He is so big and active!!! I really don't feel like he is a little baby any more. He is now 23 Ibs, has 6 teeth, crawling, standing up in his bed (co-sleeper), totally opposite than Lucy. I have started giving him some samples of food here and there, but he just gags and doesn't seem very interested. I would like to get my cycle back to ttc again. Charlie sleeps with me all night though and nurses A LOT during the night which is very differnt than Lucy was. I am wondering if I won't get my cycle back until I completely stop nursing Lucy as well. She is still nursing 3-4 times a day. I guess time will tell if all that nursing makes a differnce.

Have to run now, baby crying!!!

UPDATE: Prayers Please (Somewhat urgent)

Please remember my twin sister, Candice, in your prayers today... She is in Omaha having surgery this morning with Dr. H.ilgers. I am sure she is nervous and scared and emotional right now as many of us have experienced. I really wish I could have been there for her like she was for me but she has an awesome husband to support her there. I'll keep you all updated with how things go. prayers for her please!!!! *****update***** Dr. H.ilgers found to much endo during the lap today. So, the only thing I really know is that they are scheduling another surgery two months from now to take care of everything they discovered :( My poor sister!!!! At least I know she is in good hands! I was hoping things wouldn't be that bad for her but I guess tomorrow Dr. H.ilgers will discuss everything with her and her hubby! Thank you for the prayers for her :) Please keep them coming!!! P.s. It is rough being a twin...I am dying to be with her right now :(

LONG vacation!

I know I haven't blogged in a while, oops! But I do enjoy reading everyone elses posts when I get a chance :) Charlie is now three months old tomorrow! I can't believe it!!! Time is passing so quickly. I really think I have had a much easier time post partum because of taking hydrocortizone! I love that stuff. It really does the trick. For now this post will be about the long vacation we are on. I am sooooo freaking HOME SICK! Dh couldn't find work in Richmond for the summer so we are up in Syracuse, NY living with his parents for about 6 weeks. We have been here already for almost three weeks and I miss our home, my space, our routine, cooking, cleaning, our friends, my family, EVERYTHING! I really need to just suck it up and be grateful for the time with my husband's family and the work offered to him, but I am a baby about things...I just need to pray about this more so I can be a peace with God's will right now. So this is my complaining post! I want to go home ;)

It's a boy!

I am sorry it has taken me so long to update my blog. I like to go into hiding after having a baby...I guess I am just trying to survive right now and avoid any post partum issues that I had last time around.

I had a baby boy, Charles (Charlie) Louis M.assett, born on April 3rd, 2012. He weighed 9 pounds 1 ounce and was 21 inches long. I am so happy! He is so adorable and just the sweetest little blessing in our lives right now :) I will post more about the birth experience later on but for I will say it was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!! I had a VBAC after 34 hours of labor! My midwife was so patient with my body and the way/ time I needed to labor to have this baby. She was a blessing to have at the birth of my baby! I pushed for an hour and an half and the thing that got me through it was offering up every push for those IF women who haven't been able to have children yet. I put all of my frustration and sorrow for the IF community into that time and it really did make things "easier" for me. I hope God blesses those I specifically was praying for :)

Here is a picture of my family on Easter!

One week left (updated)

** O.k. I saw my MW today and she says she doesn't think I'll be in labor anytime soon. I guess my baby is in the wrong position (posterior) and is not lined up with my cervix :( I did have some bleeding about 4 days ago and the last couple of days I have been having period type cramps. The good news is my cervix is softening because of the 2000mg of Evening Primrose Oil I have been taking twice a day. So I hope the MW is wrong because I would really like to meet my baby soon!!! I am guessing a boy by the way, although I guessed a boy with Lucy and obviously I am a bad guesser :) oH, and just so I remember this pregnancy I am up 39 Ibs. A lot better than the 65 Ibs. with Lucy but I did start this pregnancy 30 Ibs. heavier than my last one so I think it works out to be about the same...um, I gain weight easily but it so worth it to be pregnant!


Well there is about one week left before my due date :) I am very excited and nervous! As of now I really don't have any symptoms of labor...tomorrow is my appointment with my midwife and I am actually looking forward to chatting with her about labor and everything. Lucy was born a week early so I am anticipating this baby arriving early. Although we're really having a difficult time with names so I really don't mind if the baby stays in a little longer. I am guessing it is a boy but I am a really bad guesser of genders!

What is your guess?

Just an update (200th post)

Thank you to those that requested me (by email as well) to pray for them during labor! It really gives me something to focus on during pain...I'll be praying especially for those of you who haven't been able to have children yet. That cross is still so present in my mind that my heart just breaks thinking about the heartache you all are going through.

Just so I remember in the future I want to write down what I am taking at the moment to prepare for labor:

1. Pre-natals
2. Iron 2x daily
3. Liver Capsules 4x daily
4. Dr. Christophers Birth Prep
5. Evening Primrose Oil 1500mg orally and 1500mg vaginally before bed (36 weeks)
6. Castor oil pack (starting at 36 weeks) 1 hr. per evening
7. Prenatal DHA 4x daily
8. Hydrocortizone 4x daily (of course)
9. Pre-natal tea 2 c. daily

I think that is about it. I am not sure what the castor oil pack is suppose to do but my midwife suggested it so I am just going with it for now. Plus, it is my excuse to lie down for 1 hr. in the evening and ask my dh to bring me things :) I was checked at 36 1/2 weeks and nothing is happening down there yet except for a little softening of the cervix. Other than than I am not dilated at all and the baby is in the right position for labor :) I guess at my last app. I had high blood pressure which they didn't tell me since they didn't want me to worry. But this last app. my blood pressure did drop down a bit so it wasn't as high. Also, my stomach measurement (I am not sure what they refer to that measurement as) didn't increase so they are going to keep an eye on that as well. Um, yeah, I am trying to worry about any of that because it is not a big deal as of yet.

I have to say that my dh has been a gem with helping me out! He has been making diner when he comes of from work and is so sweet to offer with anything else I need help with. i really am blessed!

I am hoping that transition for Lucy goes smoothly but I know it will be an adjustment. Whenever I talk about the baby she mostly thinks I am talking about her...i am not sure how really to prepare her since she doesn't really get that there is a baby in mommy's tummy. I think she is going to be jealous when she sees the new baby nursing but I have just decided to tandem nurse. At least that is the plan for now. Lucy still nurses quiet a bit and I think that she is nursing more because my supply is coming back...is that how it works?

Just waiting now :)

Prayer requests (updated)

Well it is almost time for my due date...yes I am rounding off probably because Lucy arrived a week early so I am hoping /guessing that this baby will come early too. If anyone would like me to remember their prayer intentions during labor just let me know. It will be nice to have people to offer up this labor for. Hopefully things will go much easier than the last time. I just mean that I am hoping for contractions to start on their own and actually dilate without the pain med.s.

Things are just about ready around here for the baby. I almost have my to do list done and now I am just acting very neurotic about everything being put back in it's place around here. I wish I had the energy to get the things done that I would like to accomplish during the day but I am so slow!!! and my back hurts like crazy by evening. Lucy has started walking a lot by herself which is making things a lot easier but she also still wants to be held often as well.

I am getting a little anxious for labor...i really do NOT want another c-section so my plan is to stay at home this time until I feel like I am going to die. Should be easy enough :) I am really feeling anxious about leaving Lucy when I am in labor. I hate being separated from her!!!!! Just hate it!!! I am worried about not being able to put her to bed or nurse her when she wants me, ugh! I am hoping to get an early discharge from the hospital so hopefully that works out. The one comment that drives me nuts right now is well people tell i won't be thinking of Lucy when the new baby comes or that it will be good for me to have the break from her, WTH! I seriously don't want to be separated from her and if I could have gone to a birthing center so I could be home 4 hours after labor I would have done so but the one birthing center her want take VBAC. Anyways, just a little vent about that!

If any of you can spare a prayer for me that I will be able to have VBAC I really would appreciate it!!! Thank you :)

*********************
Sorry I forgot to mention if you want to email me your intention so it is private that is o.k. too :) ambermassett@gmail.com

Quick update...

This diet thing STINKS!!! So now after dealing with major headaches, crankiness, etc. I decided to avoid grains for breakfast and lunch and then eat a "normal" dinner. This has been much easier :) And I am a happier person now.

My in-laws just surprised us with a visit that lasted from Thurs. night until Mon. morning. Lets just say I am EXHAUSTED! It all my own fault though because I want to come across as the "perfect" wife (which I am not, haha). I cleaned, cooked, exercised, and entertained while they were here...only to want to die the day after they left because I was so tired!!!

O.k. I am off to shower while Lucy is sleeping and then take a nap myself...oh, I almost forgot to mention. My nesting energy is gone, boo-hoo, I really need it to come back because my house is falling down around me!

It's that time again (Baby to do list)

Yes, I go NUTS with my baby to do lists. Maybe you remember this post :)I figure I have 12 weeks or so to get this done. I know some of this may absolutely absurd but I really feel like it is necessary to have everything in its place before the baby arrives. I am sure I am about to drive Dh crazy with this list. This is not the final list though. I have stuff to add and I am sure some of this won't get accomplished but it is worth a try :)

Baby to Do List

Master bedroom
Clean out dresser drawers
Nursing pillow
Organize two drawers for baby
a. diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, thermometer, nursing pads, nipple cream,
Diaper pail/ bag
b. onesies, outfits, socks, swaddling blankets, burp cloth
Baby Hammock/ co-sleeper
Sweep
Mop
Dust
Clean out all junk, and unnecessary books/ items
Dark out curtains
Night stand next to bed for supplies
Baby gate at the top of the stairs
Clean ALL items off of back porch!!!
Buy new sheets and duvet cover

Guest Room
Sweep
Mop
Dust
Move clothes bins to basement
Replace batteries in baby swing and baby seat

Bathroom
Organize under sink
Scrub tub
Replace shower curtain
Mop floors
Clean out all books
Remove book shelf and put L’s potty in its place

Closet
Organize all baby supplies
Wash all blankets
Sweep

Lucy’s Room
Wash crib sheets
Hang pictures on wall
Hang valance
Dust
Put together photo album
Finish baby book
Write birth story

Kitchen
Organize all cupboards
Dump old spices, replace with new ones
Gather all breast pump, bottle supplies
Clean out freezer/ fridge
Make a 7 frozen dinners
Stock cupboards for easy to make meals

Living Room
Clean out toys and store in basement
Buy new living room couches, haha!
Add framed pictures of family on walls
Buy new side table (a heavy one)
Buy glider for rocking baby

Entry way
Organize all paperwork
Put away all clutter

Basement
Organize all paperwork in boxes
Sweep
Throw out all junk
Organize laundry area

Car
Wash
Vacuum
Add infant car seat
Dust interior
Air in tires

Wish List
More cloth diapers
Double jogging stroller with infant car seat insert and cup holders
Bamboo swaddling blankets
Ergo baby carrier with infant insert
Labor outfit
Baby clothes, especially if baby is a boy

French Toast Sickness (updated)

So I thought I would treat myself since today is Sunday and the Feast of the Holy Family. I made Texas toast french toast with syrup, and sausage this morning...why would I feel sick after eating that? I always feel sick after eating french toast and I don't know why. I think the rest of the day I should go back to grain free.

Tonight I am going to make Roasted Chicken with sherry gravy and mashed cauliflower that I have been hearing so much about. It's funny two days with just cutting back on the grains (although seriously not perfect) and two days of headaches I woke up with energy to get us all dressed and ready for early morning Mass. That is soooo not like me. Normally I am begging Dh to let me go back to sleep and he can watch Lucy...such a bad wife!

So here is today's so far and a game plan

Breakfast: 1/4 coffee with whole milk and coconut sugar. 1 Banana

Lunch: 1 c. whole milk, 2 slices Texas Toast French toast with junky syrup, 4 sausage links, and some m&m's. I really do need to through those damn m&ms out of the house!!!!

Snack: Fruit Drink with Kefir, 1/4 of English muffin with almond butter and honey.
Two toffee cookies and stinking m&ms...a handful

Dinner: Roasted Chicken with sherry gravy, mashed cauliflower, and a veggie.
(We ended up having steak with mushrooms, onions, a small baked potato, and a glass of raw milk.
Exercise: Walk 45 min.s (never happened)
Drink 3 mama jugs of water!!!! So far I have only finished two in a day :(

Thank you girls for all your tips and support! I really need the encouragement to suck it up through the headaches ;)

***gees you girls are smart with advice and ideas on what to eat!!! I have so much to learn!!!

Headache?

Breakfast: 1/2 c. coffee, hot cocoa mix, with whole milk, two gluten free waffles with butter and almond butter (yes I was craving grains)

Lunch:Salad with chicken breast, one toffee cookie

Snack: Coconut macaroons 3, almond flour banana bread 1 slice with butter

Dinner: Spaghetti sauce with gf brown rice noodles and 1/2 of Lucy's English Muffin

Exercise: Walked for 45 min.s :)

Seriously I am wondering what is going on the last two nights... I have had the worst headaches and I rarely ever get headaches! I know I have cut back on grains a lot compared to usual for me but I still have been eating some sweets. Obviously I have a major sweet tooth!!! Both nights I have gotten a headache right before dinner time, crazy! Tonight I had brown rice pasta to see if that would help and no such luck. Do you think maybe it is a withdrawal headache? Can I be that sensitive to dietary changes? I am trying not to give up here :)

Avoiding Grains...(updated)

I am considering posting what I eat for the day on here just so I can keep track and get ideas from others. I don't intend for this to be a food blog but I am just thinking it might help motivate me to make healthier food choices during the day. For New Years I am trying to stay away from grains and white flour mostly. I really am off to a bad start so I think this might help out.

I went to the store on Tues. and stocked up on healthy food. Our food bill doubled by doing so and now I feel sick about it. Is it really that much more expensive to stock up on meats, veggies , and fruits???? It was a lot cheaper for us just to eat pastas during the week and a few meet meals, ugh.

Anyways, here is today so far, eek!

Breakfast: 1/2 c. coffee, mixed with 1/2c. whole milk and a tbl. hot choco. mix. Two brownies with powdered sure.
Really crappy breakfast I know!
Lunch: Beef stew (homemade) with a couple red potatoes.

Snack: salad

Snack again: toffee cookie x2, and m&m's

Dinner: Spaghetti sauce over spaghetti squash.

Snack again: pita chips and raw cheese.

If I plan on eating chocolate I will eat a piece of fruit or protein first.

I also plan on walking 45 min. with Lucy and drinking 3 mama jugs of water (that is what I call my special water container).

I know I am retaining lots of water because my wedding ring is getting really tight and so is my watch. I just know I am not drinking enough water lately.

I am really scared of hitting over the 200pd. mark this pregnancy. I know I am close since my last appt. was 194 but I have issues with seeing the scale rise and my clothes getting super tight. Maybe if I start now making healthier eating decisions then after giving birth to this baby sticking to eating this way won't be so difficult :) Any tips?

P.s. Another one of my New Years resolution is to STOP eating Lucy's dinner with her...then eating another dinner with Dh later that evening. Curse the mac and cheese!!!